"Bloody" Bad News

My hormonal bloodwork came back. It's bad news as I had expected.

My hormone levels are crap.

And one thing that freaked me out was when my results for CA-125 (Cancer Antigen 125) indicated cancer in the ovaries! Fuck right? Then I found out that it wasn't a reliable way to screen for cancer and that elevated levels are also present in women who have endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disorders, fibroids or women who are menstruating or are pregnant. Stress kills fertility. Yup! Mine just about died there and then when I saw my CA-125 results! 

Anyway, for those of you who love, love, love numbers, here are some of my bloodwork stats based on mid-luteal phase parameters:

- My progesterone level is low @ 8.13 (should be 7.96-23.37)

- My estradiol is ok according to the doctor even though it looks high to me @245 (should be 90-220) 

- My testosterone levels are a bit high @ 0.86 (should be 0.14-0.76)

- My FSH is at 2.7

- My CA-125 is @63.8 (should be <35)

I have a tonne of questions about my blood test for my doctor because I wasn't quite lucid when I got the results. My brain had shut down due to the period cramps I was having then. As I had expected, all my icy cold coke indulgence the weeks before came back to haunt me. (Docs told me to avoid icy drinks for my condition) Well, it was really fun while it lasted.  So, it was CD1 and my cramps were increasing in intensity as I waited for my turn in the clinic. My torture was exacerbated by the 1.5 L (about 50 fl oz or 6.5 cups) of water I had to drink and hold in my very full bladder, required for the ultrasound scan. Oh yeah-more bad news: my fibroid looks to be about 4.8cm (almost 2") now as opposed to 3cm last week. The doctor also said my tests indicate poor egg quality.

Sigh! When will this bad-news-avalanche ever come to a stop? 

So what are the chances of a couple with
-endometriosis
-adenomyosis
-fibroids
-imbalanced hormones
-infrequent ovulation
-poor quality eggs
-low sperm count
-low sperm morphology
-low sperm motility
-mature age factor


have for getting pregnant? That's a freakin' long list of problems!

Our chances sound pretty damn awful don't it?

According to what I've read, here are more stats for those who, again, love, love, love numbers:

- fibroids that distort the shape of the uterus decrease fertility by 70%

- endometriosis decreases fertility by up to 36% 

- by age 40, fertility rates drop by 95%

I don't even have stats on the impact of adenomyosis, or hormonal imbalance or sperm issues on fertility (I'm assuming it's not 0%) but let's tally up the numbers I already have:

100% fertility-70%-36%-95% = -101%

I'm no math genius, but that is a MINUS fertility rate. MINUS 101%! My chances are freakin' awful. I am sure there is at least one doctor out there who will tell me that I have absolutely no chance of getting pregnant...  Thankfully, my new fertility doctors have not said that to me (I have 2-it's a husband and wife team). They told me not to give up hope, but it was going to be tough for me. 

It's going to be really tough.

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On a side note: It's CD4 today. I went to the gym today. This is unheard of as I am usually still in agony locked in my room from endo/period pain on Day 4. I did have cramps on CD1 and 2, but the intensity and duration is half of what it normally is. I have not stained my panties or bed with overflow (not once!) this time which means my flow is normal and manageable now. The clinic did give me some herbal medicine for my cramps. It's the first time any herbal formula has worked for my pain, which to me is remarkable! When I took them, my pain was greatly reduced to just an annoying ache within 2 hours. Amazing-this is all plant stuff! The doctor was not kidding when she said the pills were "really, really good for cramps". If this is any indication of how good these TCM docs and their herbal medicine are, then, a spark of hope has finally been rekindled in my heart...

First Year TCM Anniversary

Today is the 1st year anniversary of our first visit to our TCM clinic. I can't believe how quickly a year has flown by, and I can't believe I am still going there! Both my husband and I have been diligently going for our treatments every week, except during our one and a half month vacation hiatus. Chugfuls of black, muddy, herbal medicine; thousands of pin-pricks and some USD7,000 later, we still have no baby.

This prompted me to reflect on the past year's progress and assess what the hell we're doing with our time and money. Is it worth it? Should we have put the money towards something like IVF instead?

For those of you who are new here, my husband is being treated for low sperm morphology, and I for endometriosis, hormonal imbalance and a cold condition. Our TCM doc believes that once these problems are resolved, we should be able to conceive naturally. So my husband and I have electroacupuncture twice a week, and we drink a tailor-made herbal concoction everyday. I have upped my treatments with daily moxibustion and electroacupuncture everyday between the end of my period and ovulation during my last 2 cycles.

But has all this been worth it?

I wasn't sure but DH put my mind at ease for these reasons:

IVF does not guarantee us a baby nor try to resolve any of our underlying health/fertility problems. But with TCM,

- my endo is being treated and my symptoms are diminishing, hence my quality of life has improved

- my periods are being normalized and are more manageable now

- my husband's energy levels have increased significantly

- we managed to conceive once, which proved to us that we can conceive naturally and my husband's sperm is working!

- we do not have any bad side-effects from the treatment

Weighing the two, TCM has definitely been more beneficial to us. And so, TCM it is for us. So bring on the putrid potions and gnarly needles Year 2! We're ready for ya!

Fertility Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

There is often a point of contention between my TCM doc and me over my methods of pin-pointing ovulation or my most fertile window.

"Throw away your thermometer!"

"Forget charting your fertile days!" my TCM doctor would say to me!

Having been brought up with a western approach to fertility ie: faithfully charting BBTs daily, peeing on ovulation predictor kits, etc, his advice shocked me to say the least! It goes against everything I believed about helping yourself increase your chances of success with conception. His explanation was,

"It doesn't work like this."

"HUH?"

I sat there stunned as he told me that sex could actually trigger ovulation, regardless of which Cycle Day you're on. He went on to explain that your mind and emotions can be so strong that it can have a physiological effect on your body. Simply put- if you're hot and horny, your hormones and qi are raging so much that it could trigger the release of an egg! This sounded too Twilight Zone to me! But he went on to explain that it was the reason why even young kids who have sex during their periods, even before their ovulation date, could get pregnant so easily.

Well, strange and bizarre as it may seem, I think perhaps that there is some truth to it. My mother's own personal account of how she conceived me seems to back up his theory. Most grown-ups never want to hear from their parents how they made us (too much information-Eeew!) but I'm sorta glad my mom told me about her experience. She told me that she knew precisely the moment at which she conceived me, which was at her (and my dad's) point of orgasm. (Too much information right?) During her climax, she felt the egg being released and she knew at that point that she conceived. It wasn't a hunch - she just knew it. She believes that her climax had triggered her ovulation! Perhaps my TCM doc isn't too far-fetched with his theories!?!

He also does not subscribe to the idea that a woman is infertile after her ovulation is over. When I mentioned to him recently that I had already O'd and that I was now waiting to find out if I conceived, he told me to keep trying. But, BUT... My fertile window is already over! I told him that I had read that the egg would only last 24 hours, and sperm a few days only. His other "It doesn't work like this" speech came out.

He explained that women/men who are undergoing fertility treatment with him are much more fertile and do not fall into the norm. He also talked about how the information we have from results quantified my lab tests do not always reflect real life conditions, nor do they consider other variable factors. So a woman's window for conception can actually be much longer if she is extremely fertile. One case that comes to mind is a fellow IF sister who managed to conceive even though she ovulated 9 days after she last had sex with her husband! Many left her comments saying that she was basically nuts for believing that, and that she miscalculated her O date. But she retorted that she knew her body very well, and that was what happened exactly. She had problems with PCOS and IF but with the help of TCM, she got pregnant and had just delivered a healthy baby boy! When I related this amazing story to my TCM doc, he said it was indeed possible. Her husband's sperm was very strong and she was so fertile (with sperm-friendly CM I assume) that his sperm was able to survive for so many days!

So all my preconceived ideas about fertility have flown out the window--or are at least hanging half-way out the window now. TCM treats the human body in its totality. Our minds, our emotions and bodies are intertwined with each other and impact our health more ways than we realize. As for my TCM doc's advice to me... Well, he told me that some of my problems, like my underperforming libido are in my mind, because my body is physically sound. He told me to go back and rekindle the kind of love and excitement I felt when my DH and I were courting. And that should get my hormones raging a bit. Now that's one advice I am happy to take!

Now that you know what I know, doesn't it feel like you've been transplanted onto another planet- which is neither Mars nor Venus? It's pretty incredible stuff! What do you make of all this?