Endometriosis Pain in All Its Glory

Ass-throb Day seems to be gleefully missing in action this month! This literal pain-in-the-ass (compliments of endometriosis) almost always happens on CD10 for me, but it's already the end of CD11, and there's no sign of my rectum transforming magically into a nuclear reactor for the day. This is goooood!

So something in Traditional Chinese Medicine is working for me somehow. I really don't understand how all the herbs and acupuncture work exactly, but I am thankful that the pain that has besieged much of my life is slowly diminishing. I am a realist though. I don't expect all the adhesions that have been forming over the years of my life to disappear nor this endo pain to vanish completely. For example, due to a change in my diet, I was a bit constipated yesterday (sorry-too much information!) and my bowel movements caused pain in my uterus. The pain felt like period cramps that lasted some 15-20 minutes, even though I wasn't having my period. Now, what does taking a dump have anything to do with the uterus? The only logical explanation I can think of is that endometriosis has somehow glued my uterus and colon together, and movements in either effect anything that is joined to it. This is unfortunately the kind of shit (pardon the pun) that endometriosis sufferers have to deal with much of the time. But thankfully incidences like that have also diminished over time for me since I began TCM.

I used to dread going to the toilet when I had periods. As if the killer pain of endo/AF wasn't bad enough, peeing and crapping was a BIG ORDEAL every single time! They were always accompanied by excruciating pain that is 1000% worse than what you started off with. The experience is just simply ridiculous! Can you imagine wanting to pooop so badly but you're holding back while pooping (and menstruating) because it's causing you such immense pain! So do you keep it in or get it out? What a stupid dilemma! I would often be clinging on to the walls or bathroom countertop infront of me with tears streaming down my eyes while I did it. Pooping scared me to death each time! And that's not a joke! Yes, a simple call of nature turns diabolical when you have endometriosis. But I am so thankful that this is no longer a torturous routine with my periods now.

I wish I could say the same for sex too. Yes, endometriosis is really unforgiving--It is determined to make every part of your life a misery. Having pain during sex is another ordeal that many endometriosis sufferers have to endure. Pain? What? Where? How? I remember the days pouring over Dr. Google to find answers, but ended up just as clueless. There are so many conditions that result in pain in so many different parts of the vajayjay! Even real-life doctors in the flesh do not give you details as to what the pain feels like and where. For the sake of many new endo sufferers out there looking for clues, I want to share my story so you don't feel so confused and alone out there.

For me, the pain didn't appear overnight but it was something that intensified over the years. I would get it once in a while, and then every other month, and then it was every month, and then it was every time I had sex. The simple act of arousal can send waves of pain surging through the uterus-maybe the ute is engorged with blood and expanding causing the adhesions to stretch and pull and hence the pain- I really don't know. But it sure sucks! Deep penetration that involves (to eloquently put it) banging of the cervix can sometimes send sharp pain up the uterus.  The worst thing about endo is that it is an attention-seeking whore that wants to take the limelight from the big O, as in orgasm, and it wants to climax together with the Big O! OOOOOOOOOO My Gawd! The contractions from an orgasm causes intense pain like killer period cramps! It happens simultaneously. It's like the pooping thing all over again-you wanna go there but you don't. When it happens it is the most intense pleasure and pain all at the same time! It is amazingly wonderful but you're in agony cos your ute is cramping and it feels like it's a burning hell in there! And the pain can last for 15 minutes to an hour long after the pleasure is gone. I've even felt lingering pain that lasted for a whole day. Yes, it fucking sucks!(pardon the pun again)  It's not something that allows for close intimate bonding after the deed! I feel terribly mean and guilty for letting DH see me squirming in pain when I know that all he wanted was to give me joy. So--They say that sex can be mind-blowing (ute-blowing too). With endo, I really feel like I've gone to heaven, and then died!

Thankfully for me, this pain diminishes each time I have sex within the same cycle (yes, I guess you can say sex is good for me!) The only logical explanation I have for what's happening to me is that during the orgasmic contractions, the adhesions stretch like the muscles and ligaments in your body. Once they're looser, they cause less pain--That's until they grow taut and tight again after a break, like when AF visits. First time sex in a new cycle after AF always scares me to death too. Hmm, yes, I guess I can at least pretend to be a virgin all over again!

I hope by sharing some of my experiences here, people can understand a bit more about why endo girls always complain about pain, and what a big deal it is. We're not just whiny bitches who have nothing else better to do. It is a terribly debilitating disease. Meds don't always help. Sometimes they cause additional pain by irritating and inflaming the stomach lining. Instead of eliminating pain, they just add to your endless list of pain. I am one of those who chooses to deal with one less pain. So I looked for alternative treatments else where.

I have gone against the grain of western medicine-I have said no surgeries, excisions, and Lupron and all sorts of hormonal drugs that has crazy side-effects. People may think I am loopy, but I am actually getting better. I think I will always have pain as long as the adhesions are still there, but thankfully, TCM has helped me manage the pain, making my life more pain-free now. I really feel for all the women suffering from chronic endo pain. I just wish more endo girls had the help that I got--that's a 100 million endo-inflicted women worldwide! That's a whole lot of pain gone! Now wouldn't that just be great!

Fertility Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

There is often a point of contention between my TCM doc and me over my methods of pin-pointing ovulation or my most fertile window.

"Throw away your thermometer!"

"Forget charting your fertile days!" my TCM doctor would say to me!

Having been brought up with a western approach to fertility ie: faithfully charting BBTs daily, peeing on ovulation predictor kits, etc, his advice shocked me to say the least! It goes against everything I believed about helping yourself increase your chances of success with conception. His explanation was,

"It doesn't work like this."

"HUH?"

I sat there stunned as he told me that sex could actually trigger ovulation, regardless of which Cycle Day you're on. He went on to explain that your mind and emotions can be so strong that it can have a physiological effect on your body. Simply put- if you're hot and horny, your hormones and qi are raging so much that it could trigger the release of an egg! This sounded too Twilight Zone to me! But he went on to explain that it was the reason why even young kids who have sex during their periods, even before their ovulation date, could get pregnant so easily.

Well, strange and bizarre as it may seem, I think perhaps that there is some truth to it. My mother's own personal account of how she conceived me seems to back up his theory. Most grown-ups never want to hear from their parents how they made us (too much information-Eeew!) but I'm sorta glad my mom told me about her experience. She told me that she knew precisely the moment at which she conceived me, which was at her (and my dad's) point of orgasm. (Too much information right?) During her climax, she felt the egg being released and she knew at that point that she conceived. It wasn't a hunch - she just knew it. She believes that her climax had triggered her ovulation! Perhaps my TCM doc isn't too far-fetched with his theories!?!

He also does not subscribe to the idea that a woman is infertile after her ovulation is over. When I mentioned to him recently that I had already O'd and that I was now waiting to find out if I conceived, he told me to keep trying. But, BUT... My fertile window is already over! I told him that I had read that the egg would only last 24 hours, and sperm a few days only. His other "It doesn't work like this" speech came out.

He explained that women/men who are undergoing fertility treatment with him are much more fertile and do not fall into the norm. He also talked about how the information we have from results quantified my lab tests do not always reflect real life conditions, nor do they consider other variable factors. So a woman's window for conception can actually be much longer if she is extremely fertile. One case that comes to mind is a fellow IF sister who managed to conceive even though she ovulated 9 days after she last had sex with her husband! Many left her comments saying that she was basically nuts for believing that, and that she miscalculated her O date. But she retorted that she knew her body very well, and that was what happened exactly. She had problems with PCOS and IF but with the help of TCM, she got pregnant and had just delivered a healthy baby boy! When I related this amazing story to my TCM doc, he said it was indeed possible. Her husband's sperm was very strong and she was so fertile (with sperm-friendly CM I assume) that his sperm was able to survive for so many days!

So all my preconceived ideas about fertility have flown out the window--or are at least hanging half-way out the window now. TCM treats the human body in its totality. Our minds, our emotions and bodies are intertwined with each other and impact our health more ways than we realize. As for my TCM doc's advice to me... Well, he told me that some of my problems, like my underperforming libido are in my mind, because my body is physically sound. He told me to go back and rekindle the kind of love and excitement I felt when my DH and I were courting. And that should get my hormones raging a bit. Now that's one advice I am happy to take!

Now that you know what I know, doesn't it feel like you've been transplanted onto another planet- which is neither Mars nor Venus? It's pretty incredible stuff! What do you make of all this?