Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Ute's Naughty Or Nice List

Pssssst.... Anyone there? Thank you if you've been checking in on me even though I've been such a terrible blogger!

I'm sorry for being gone for so long. It's been one and a half months since my last post and I can't say that I have any good news to share at all. Infact, I've been feeling so down in the dumps for the way things are going with my cycles that I've been too frustrated to dedicate any more time thinking or blogging about it. But here I am anyway, still confused as ever, feeling completed dejected, and trying to pick up the pieces and move on.

Anyway, if you ask if my uterus has been naughty or nice this year, especially of late, well, let's put it this way-I don't think she's gonna get anything from Santa for Christmas! She hasn't behaved in anyway that is good or acceptable. So here's her naughty list:

1) Following my Halloween 6DPO bleeding nightmare, the spotting continued for another 4 days before the floodgates broke opened. That either meant that I had a short luteal phase of about 10 days (UGH!) , or if I had a normal 14 day luteal phase, then I may have ovulated a few days earlier than we thought, on CD 17 instead of CD 20.  Dr.NeverGiveUp prefers to be optimistic and think that I am ovulating earlier and earlier each cycle. It's still a bloody BFN whichever way you look at it!
VERDICT: Naughty

2) In the pain department, I had my usual cramps for about 2 days when AF broke through, and my ovaries started to ache early on in the cycle, particularly on one side, almost every day up till CD14-15.  I was freaking out thinking that my eggs must be already twitching and growing earlier than normal. It's either that, or my endo was doing something nasty to my ovaries.
VERDICT: Naughty

3) By CD8, the ultrasound scan revealed 2 small eggs in the left ovary. At least there's something there...

4) A week later on CD15, the ultrasound scan revealed a 14 mm follicle but it was fuzzy. This may indicate that the follicle had just ruptured and ovulation had taken place. Hot damn! Ovulation on/around CD15? That is waaaaay early and surely a record for Zengirl! But it's not really good news because the follicle was a bit immature and small at 14mm. Ideally, it should grow to about 18mm to be a good egg. And whatever happened to the other egg?
VERDICT: Naughty, Naughty, Naughty.

5) The next day after the scan on CD16, I just had to POAS to check if there was indeed an LH surge and ovulation. The stick revealed a 2nd line almost as dark as the test line. And the day after that I POAS again and the 2nd line was fainter. I figured that I was catching the tail end of the LH surge and this concurred with ovulation happening around CD15.

6) A week after the last scan, we took a look to see what had happened to my eggs. The ultrasound scan this time revealed that the eggs were gone. They had indeed been unleashed out into the uterine world to find Mr. Right. Plain and simple. Open and shut case right? Not. At. All. Because in the mean time, my BBT goes up and down and up and down like the world's scariest, most unpredictable roller coaster ride.
VERDICT: Naughty 

7) On 14DPO, AF had not come, but the HPT tested negative. They tell me to wait another week. They did not bother with anymore ultrasound scans since there were no more eggs to be seen.
VERDICT: Naughty

8) On 20DPO, AF still had not come. And the HPT tested negative again! My body tells me I was not pregnant. I had no symptoms at all.
VERDICT: Naughty

9) On further consultation and analysis of my BBT chart, the doctors assumed that ovulation could have taken place much, much later on CD27 instead, because it was only then that my BBT began to rise and stay up. WHAT? So what did the almost positive OPKs I peed on earlier mean? How could I have ovulated on CD27, when there were no eggs left on the last scan? They think that it's very rare, but I could have ovulated twice. It's really too bad they did not continue to monitor for eggs after the last "ovulation". Now there's no way of knowing.
VERDICT: Just. Plain. Naughty.

It is now CD40. Back to a long cycle again. UGH! This cycle's drama has been so drawn out. So, given that ovulation happened on CD 27, it is now 14DPO. And AF is still not here. My BBT remains high. Tomorrow, I will test again. Or AF should have announced its arrival by then. I have no idea what's going on in my body this time. I don't feel pregnant at all. My boobs are not sore at all. My ute feels really bloated, like the lining's all ripe to be shed.  I do feel just a little nauseous from the hike in progesterone produced by the corpus luteum, but this has happened countless times before for me to know not to be fooled by this.

This has been the worst 2WW ever! Or rather 4WW! 
BFP or BFN, I just want this waiting to be over.


Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I missed you...glad you are back! Such a cute post...sorry your ute is being so naughty!

clewis said...

oh dear, that's such a long wait. But remember no pregnancy signs isnt always bad. Who know's you could get surprised. And if not you will pick yourself up like we all do and somehow continue through this. stay brave.

Sonja said...

*throws coal at your uterus*

*hugs and chocolate*

Mad Hatter said...

Ugh! What a harrowing cycle! Hope it's a happy ending and that your uterus gets everything it wants for Christmas!

Rachel said...

Welcome Back. Damn the Ute. Hoping for a better out come in 2011.