A Change of Heart

I am constantly amazed at what my TCM doc is able to read from just my pulse alone. My heart has been very heavy the past few days, dealing with my annovulation this cycle. I didn't want to reveal my sadness and stress to him because it was the exact opposite of what he told me to do. So when he asked "How do you feel today?", I basically told him that there had been no change since my last visit with him 4 days ago. Then he proceeded to read my pulse with his fingers. He spent quite a long time pressing his three fingers down on my wrist in different pressures and combinations. And he checked and checked again.

Puzzled, he asked,

"Why are you thinking so HARD? You're very stressed. Think SOFTLY..."

 "What do you mean think softly?" I asked.

He explained that I had been concentrating too hard. Well, I knew exactly what he actually meant because I have been weighing myself down with so many negative and intense thoughts. He gave me an example (with great animation I must add) - You could chop wood with great urgency and aggression, worrying about how quickly you can finish the job, or you could chop wood leisurely at half the speed singing "London Bridge is falling down..."  He said that I have to do things with a light and happy approach.

Well, I don't know how well I can apply that to my life all the time, but his diagnosis about my mood and psychological state with just his three fingers blew me away! Eeek! I feel so naked! I can't hide anything from him! He counselled me some more about the importance of nurturing my hormones with happiness and romance and I nearly broke into tears! I just felt so overwhelmed by what I should be doing as opposed to what I had been doing. Amazingly, after half hour of electroacupuncture, the sadness and heaviness went away...

Later when I went to the movies for a date night with DH, I found a dollop of egg white CM when I went to the loo (Yes-Mine-Not someone else's I randomly found on the floor or at the sink!) After all this time, I was still fertile? Suddenly I felt hopeful again! I could still ovulate and get a BFP this cycle. Never mind what I said yesterday about implantation on an old lining etc... I saw hope today and that's just what I want to hang on to.

Goodbye negative thoughts!
Goodbye worries!
Goodbye stress!

Hellooooooo hope!

And I intend to hang on to this as long as I can and go on my vacation with this renewed hope. I plan to  spend my 2WW in bliss and hope and romance. No OPKs or thermometers! Yes-Ignorance is bliss! I even managed to walk past two pharmacies today without buying anymore OPKs! I am in a much better place today! A sense of calm and happiness has crept back into my heart.

Hmmm.... I wonder if it really was a good omen when Zoey brought me Mr Tiger (my mascot for hope) yesterday???...Do-do-do-do-do-doooooooo..... (to the tune of X-files)......

"O" No! I'm Insufferable!

Today's post:

Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan...Whine, whine, moan, whine, groan, moan, whine, whine, whine! (x 10,0000000000000)

I still haven't ovulated.

"What? You're still obsessing about that?".....you're all yelling?

Uh-huh! I've had two positive OPKs now, but my BBT hasn't fallen, so I know it hasn't happened yet. Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan...

My brain is incapable of thinking about anything else except ovulation and sex right now! Yes, I am a mad woman on heat! I don't know how much more my poor hubby can take of me bugging him for sex - he's so deprived of sleep, but I've already warned him that he has to make a "deposit" everyday for at least the next three days! So much for raw, spontaneous sex huh!

But the fact is, none of this sexercise matters if I haven't ovulated yet. Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan... (x another 10,0000000000000) So I thought I would double check with my TCM doc.

He read my pulse. He told me that I had not ovulated.

Yup. Based on my basal body temperature (BBT), he's just about 100% right. I didn't even tell him a single thing about my OPKs, or BBTs. Isn't it really scary how much my TCM doc knows about my body simply by reading the pulse on my wrists? He normally takes a reading from both my wrists - right side for qi, and left side for blood circulation, but even though he has been handicapped because my right wrist was "unavailable" (due to the injury), his supersonic fingers "heard" what my ovaries were saying! Freaky!

So after a bit more whining and moaning from me, he assured me that my condition was actually still good considering what my body's been through with the injury. He said it's likely that my O has been delayed because of that ie, some of the qi and energy in my body has been diverted to heal my cuts. OK-that's a pretty logical answer. My wounds have indeed been healing pretty well. The stitches on my palm have been out for 4 days now.

My wrist is still stitched up and looks nasty, but it's starting to turn pink like the rest of my arm. There's no feeling on the skin though. According to the doctor, the nerves have been severed but they do grow back, albeit at 1 mm a day. Not bad, except he says that nerves have to regrow from our back, which according to my calculation, based on the length it has to grow, it will take about 3 years to get to my wrist! Bring out the symphony again --

Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan...Whine, whine, moan, whine, groan, moan, whine, whine, whine! (x 10,0000000000000)....

Let's hope I have something to cheer about tomorrow... Go O! Go O! Go! Go! GO!

Pretty puhleeze....

My TCM Doc Passed With Flying Colors!

I tested my TCM doctor today. I had peed on an ovulation predictor stick today and saw a second line forming. That means my Luteinizing hormones are surging, slowly but surely. Yay! It's not quite a full positive yet, but I'm getting very close. And TCM doctors are supposed to be able to tell almost everything that's going on inside your body simply by reading your pulse.

Unlike the western way of reading a pulse purely to measure your heart rate, a TCM physician uses three fingers to read 3 points on your wrist. Each point is further divided into 3 levels or depths, which makes it a total of 9 "pulses". The combination of the pulses give a total picture of your body's health. Their fingers are so super-sensitive that they are able to read the differences in each pulse, ranging from "stringy" to "taught". (Heck! I can even barely locate my pulse sometimes!) I've read that they could tell if you're ovulating or pregnant just from reading your pulse.

Well, being a bit of a sceptic still, I couldn't resist checking what I knew against his "readings". So I asked him if I was ovulating. I expected a "yes" or "no" answer. Instead, he said, "Close. Just around the corner". Wow! That answer blew me away! He could even tell that it would happen soon. Some may think that it's a pretty vague answer and that he probably made a guesstimate based on my cycle. But for someone like me who has irregular cycles and temperamental ovaries, it's hard to know even if I would ovulate. And he doesn't chart my cycles-that's my job. I guess he knew what he needed to know from his readings and there was no need for me to update him with numbers and pee sticks. He really knows his stuff! As far as I'm concerned, he passed with flying colors!

Anyway, I had my last moxa for this cycle. He did tell me that it would have to stop when I ovulated. I asked him how we would know when to stop - he said he would know. I guess he does! Well, I am relieved that I'm done with the moxa for now. It is a bit nerve-wracking having a huge burning stick so close to the skin.

So now I am really looking forward to ovulating and making a baby this month! I am delighted that my body is behaving as it should this month! I even feel twangs of pain on my right ovary or thereabouts, which I hadn't in a long time. It must have finally woken up!

"Fired" Again!

Today, I had my 2nd moxibustion session and WOAH - What a difference it felt from yesterday's. It must have opened up my energy channels because I felt the heat very quickly today. Yesterday, it took a long time before I felt the heat on each needle, but today, it was a matter of seconds before I was yelling, "OK-HOT!" , which was my cue for moving on to the next needle. The lady who was firing me up was laughing because just yesterday, I had told her what a high tolerance I had for pain!

I didn't feel any different after the session yesterday, but I remember feeling terribly hot a couple of hours later, which was rather unusual. I mean, I was sweating and feeling uncomfortably hot for no reason. That feeling didn't last though. However my TCM doctor read my pulse today and said that the moxibustion had made a significant difference. That's the kinda stuff I like to hear! I'm stoked! Hopefully that puts me on the fast track to Preggerland!