We're Back!

YES! Me and my eggs are back! After what seemed like forever, my eggs which had been MIA since November have finally shown up!

I got a "Woohoo" on CD 18 (27th January)-- It's one of the puuuurtiest lines I have ever seen - on an OPK that is! Sadly, those elusive double HPT lines are still nowhere to be seen though...

Sorry for being MIA myself from the blogosphere for so long. It's been a wonderful break for me mentally. Having been absent here has probably done me quite a lot of good - I found myself obsessing and stressing less about my infertility and my Houdini eggs. But I've really missed you guys - I have so much of catching up to do.

So much time and stuff have passed since my last post. Where do I begin....? First of all, I guess a "Happy New Year" is in order! I can't believe we're already into the second month of the year! I hope everyone has had a great start to the new year and that this will be the year that dreams will be fulfilled for all the IF sisters here.

As for me, I am still trying to come to grips with the awful failure that 2009 was for me. I came into 2010 feeling very, very angry and frustrated. I wasn't feeling like I was given a new start. I wasn't in any mood to make any new resolutions. I wasn't feeling inspired or excited. It basically felt like 2010 was just an on-going, prolonging of 2009's misery.  Even the New Year's Eve party I hosted did little to bring any meaning or real joy to my life. I needed to escape from all this misery of unfulfilled TTC goals and desires.

And so escape I did - to Boracay. When I came back from my beach vacation in December (which was at Pangkor Island, a small little island off the west coast of Peninsula Malaysia - for all of you who asked) I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to get away again to some island paradise. So in the 2 weeks that I was back, I feverishly did my research and settled for a vacation in beautiful Boracay, an island in the Philippines which is reknowned for it's brilliantly white powdery sand and clear, blue waters, as shown on the internetz.

After the mad dash to make our house look party-ready (and clean!) for the festivities, cooking for two Christmas dinners and one major New Year's Eve party, and doing the dreaded after-party clean-ups, AND planning the whole vacation basically all by myself within those two weeks, I was SO ready to escape to paradise for some R&R! Without any time to rest after New Year's, we packed our bags, spending every waking minute figuring out how to squeeze everything within the 10 kg (22 lbs) limit per person! Wow! What a feat it was! We have never travelled so lightly for an international trip before! On January 3rd, we left the house at 4 (IN THE MORNING!) to catch our flight and be on our way to our well-earned vacay.

Our budget airline (AirAsia, which was surprisingly pretty good) took us to Clark Airbase in Luzon, Phillipines. Getting to paradise wasn't going to be that easy as we had to take another plane to Boracay in the morning from Clark. That meant spending a night in transit. Well, Clark, which is an  ex-US airforce base is rather "interesting" to say the least. Angeles, the town around it, has for many years been servicing these army men and had developed quite a thriving sex industry there. Although Clark has been given back to the Philippines and the marines have left, the sex tourism is still there, and ex-marines have been coming back. Thankfully there weren't a lot of babies around - just plenty of sex. Well THAT- an IF sister can handle! Just not the sight of babies and pregnant women.

Everywhere we went, we saw old, fat, balding, (did I mention OLD) white men with YOUNG tiny Filipino girls. And I mean EVERYWHERE- in the hotel, in the streets, in the restaurants! We were the only same-race couple there. Possibly in the whole town! The hotel we booked was rated No.2 by Tripadvisor. Must be pretty decent right? So you can imagine our surprise when we found out that it had a popular lounge that boasted of some 80 sexy girls for "you"!! As you would expect there were more of those dodgy couples all over our hotel, some making out at the poolside, but at least they were generally pretty discreet. Thankfully the walls in our rooms were solid concrete and blocked out any noise. Infact, funnily enough, everything was built out of concrete into the walls - the wardrobe, the dressing table, even the bedside tables-all guaranteed to stay put from any... err.. shall I say "friction". Odd? Wait till you see the "red light".

I was lying in bed when I noticed one red bulb above me placed between 2 normal bulbs. What's that for? Maybe they ran out of regular bulbs? It had its own dedicated switch. Ohhh....! It eventually dawned on me that it was purely for no other reason than for SEX! Yes, we had our own little red light district in our bedroom! LOL!

Maybe it's to warn people outside the windows that the room was getting a little action? Maybe it's suppose to make us feel like prostitutes - a little "dirty" and risque? Maybe it's suppose to make us look sexy with a red glow on our skin???? Well, I can tell you that it felt anything but sexy - it felt like I was in a photo processing darkroom! One thing's for sure, no pregnancies came out of our little red light rendezvous! We can rule out that red light for TTC! 

And so we eventually got to Boracay on a little propeller plane. Now that I am back, I am still looking for my little private paradise. Boracay was certainly beautiful when you look out straight ahead into the clear, azure ocean lapping gently on the gorgeous white powder. But look left, and you'll see one million people on the beach. Look right and you'll see another guzillion people on the beach. This is what Boracay really looks like:

It feels like downtown on a patch of sand. The beach is a perpetual foot highway for human migration going to and from the mall (yes there's a mall). And the beautiful postcard colours are visible only morning till noon when the light is behind you. The sunset's gorgeous no doubt. This is paradise for some, but not for me. I am fussy when it comes to finding my perfect beach getaway. My heart is still yearning for a piece of private paradise somewhere. My soul is still looking for a moment of absolute bliss and peace surrounded by perfect beauty. After the past year of TTC failures, my soul needs some healing of sorts and I will continue looking for my sanctuary. It will be a place of uplifting beauty to rest and reconnect with myself and my husband - not with a million people. Though that one night of dancing at the club was really fun! ;-)

Sorry for having morphed this into a travel blog but this was what occupied me for the better part of January 2010! 

So stay tuned for more news - ie:

• My first TCM diagnosis back after the vacay... 
• Defecting to another TCM doctor... 
• New acupuncture horrors...
• New drug (herbal) dealer....
• Another year older...
• And another "Should-I-book-my-vacation-now-or-wait-till-a-BFN-what-if-I'm-pregnant-should-I-travel-especially-after-how-I-lost-my-baby-while-travelling" saga!

Plenty of topics to keep me occupied during my 2WW!

Luv to all you IF sisters out there! 

Zengirl

xoxo

PS-It'll take me a while to sort my shit out with all these changes and get back to blogging regularly, but I'll be touching base with your blogs by and by. For all the gals who have had BFPs while I was gone and have brought their babies into the world, my heart is bursting with joy for you - Congratulations! You know who you are! And for those still struggling on the TTC journey with me, keep going! We'll find a way! God bless us and keep us strong!