(Un)Happy Halloween!

This is my cat doing the "Hunchback"! He didn't need a halloween costume and neither was he impersonating! He was very upset at me for pouring down greasy, oily medication down his ears for days to treat his ear mites. To him, that liquid was like the ultimate evil that was attacking him--He would shake his head berserkly from side to side till it all oozed out onto his lovely fluff!

He no likes!

Alas, that was many "ears" ago and thankfully, that was the last I saw of "Zoey the Hunchback"!

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I think it's apt that I dedicate this "I will keel you" pic to the evils out there. Attention to all:

• Infertility diseases that plague us with immense psychological, physical and financial suffering

• Fertile women who rub it in our faces that they're pregnant, again, and how easy it was

• Relatives and friends who keep asking us when we're gonna start a family

• Insurance companies that tell us our medical treatments are not covered because we're technically not sick or eligible

• Those Nurse Jekylls (thanks Maddy) and so called Dr Hydes that prick and prod us and experiment with us like we're just lab rats with no feelings

• Those OPKs and HPT tests that always turn up NEGATIVE

• AFs that always show up every month, especially after you just peed on dollars worth of HPTs

• People who tell us TTCs to "Just Relax...."

THIS PIC IS FOR YOU!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

A Day To Celebrate!

Today, October 29th, is National Cat Day! And I'd like to pay tribute to my wonderful Fluff of Fur for all the love, cuddles, entertainment, laughter and companionship he's given to me and my husband since he came into our lives 8 years ago.

He's given us so much. Even

Customized frayed and holey furniture...

Long-lasting claw marks from overzealous playtime...

Hairball surprises where you least expect it...

Dead animal "presents"...

Midnight walks all over my face--when I'm sleeping...

Litter-box duty...

And not to mention, always in vogue fur-covered clothes...

It has all been worth it!

I'm sure it hasn't been easy for him putting up with his crazy human parents either, but I'd like to think that he's had a blessed and a very interesting life with us! See inset pic of balloonified Zoey waiting to take flight ;-) ! (I swear no cat was harmed in the making of this image - a bit humiliated perhaps...)

Even if real human kids come into the picture later, Zoey will always be my furry baby! Okay, gotta go - time to smother my furball with some luuuurve!

"O" No! I'm Insufferable!

Today's post:

Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan...Whine, whine, moan, whine, groan, moan, whine, whine, whine! (x 10,0000000000000)

I still haven't ovulated.

"What? You're still obsessing about that?".....you're all yelling?

Uh-huh! I've had two positive OPKs now, but my BBT hasn't fallen, so I know it hasn't happened yet. Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan...

My brain is incapable of thinking about anything else except ovulation and sex right now! Yes, I am a mad woman on heat! I don't know how much more my poor hubby can take of me bugging him for sex - he's so deprived of sleep, but I've already warned him that he has to make a "deposit" everyday for at least the next three days! So much for raw, spontaneous sex huh!

But the fact is, none of this sexercise matters if I haven't ovulated yet. Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan... (x another 10,0000000000000) So I thought I would double check with my TCM doc.

He read my pulse. He told me that I had not ovulated.

Yup. Based on my basal body temperature (BBT), he's just about 100% right. I didn't even tell him a single thing about my OPKs, or BBTs. Isn't it really scary how much my TCM doc knows about my body simply by reading the pulse on my wrists? He normally takes a reading from both my wrists - right side for qi, and left side for blood circulation, but even though he has been handicapped because my right wrist was "unavailable" (due to the injury), his supersonic fingers "heard" what my ovaries were saying! Freaky!

So after a bit more whining and moaning from me, he assured me that my condition was actually still good considering what my body's been through with the injury. He said it's likely that my O has been delayed because of that ie, some of the qi and energy in my body has been diverted to heal my cuts. OK-that's a pretty logical answer. My wounds have indeed been healing pretty well. The stitches on my palm have been out for 4 days now.

My wrist is still stitched up and looks nasty, but it's starting to turn pink like the rest of my arm. There's no feeling on the skin though. According to the doctor, the nerves have been severed but they do grow back, albeit at 1 mm a day. Not bad, except he says that nerves have to regrow from our back, which according to my calculation, based on the length it has to grow, it will take about 3 years to get to my wrist! Bring out the symphony again --

Whine, whine, whine, moan, moan, groan...Whine, whine, moan, whine, groan, moan, whine, whine, whine! (x 10,0000000000000)....

Let's hope I have something to cheer about tomorrow... Go O! Go O! Go! Go! GO!

Pretty puhleeze....

October Sex Fest Back On!

After bawling my eyes out for two days, the OPK finally decided to turn positive on CD21! I'm ecstatic. But what a roller coaster ride it's been. I've been POAS like an addicted lunatic since CD15. And it had been very hard seeing a negative, one after another, especially with the high expectations I've been having. I really wanted this cycle to be an improvement on the last one, since I've been doing so well with the intensive moxa sessions, acupuncture and herbs. Seeing an improvement was especially important as I had just passed the one year mark of starting TCM treatments. But peeing on those damn sticks had been one big disappointment after another, day after day.

I've never even felt this devastated with BFNs for pregnancies. At least I knew I was given a shot at it. With no egg around, it felt like I wasn't even given a chance! And that really shattered me. And with all the additional bad luck I've had to deal with recently, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. But then, someone must have pitied me and given me a break. Although there's no guarantee, hopefully with the Luteinizing Hormone surge, it really means that ovulation is going to happen. Here's a pic of how the OPKs have been teasing and taunting me. (These are the lucky few I picked from the mountain of peed OPKs sitting on my dresser! I didn't want to show them all, incase you thought I was nuts or something ;-) Read from bottom to top. It's positive when the left blue line is similar or darker than the right line)

So all is good for now, and it's all systems go with hubby now! I might have to face another episode of devastation in a couple of weeks if AF comes, and I don't know how I will be able to handle it. But for now, I have a chance, and I am going to make my damndest best of it!

No "O"

It's CD 20 and still no ovulation. Damn!

But, but, but...My heat levels have improved. My egg white CM has been amazing. My saliva was in full-fern bloom!

My OPK says "NO!"

I turned to one of my books to try and understand the mysteries of ovulation. The first line of the chapter read,

"Ovulation is probably one of the most important aspects of fertility."

My heart sank. Damn it! I obviously haven't got "one of the most important aspects of fertility". I am screwed!

Just when I thought things were going well--My body was cruising at full speed ahead, and then--It slams on the brakes!

I can't even begin to understand what the hell goes on in my body.

I am so frustrated.

I am in a funk.

Infertility plain SUCKS!

First Year TCM Anniversary

Today is the 1st year anniversary of our first visit to our TCM clinic. I can't believe how quickly a year has flown by, and I can't believe I am still going there! Both my husband and I have been diligently going for our treatments every week, except during our one and a half month vacation hiatus. Chugfuls of black, muddy, herbal medicine; thousands of pin-pricks and some USD7,000 later, we still have no baby.

This prompted me to reflect on the past year's progress and assess what the hell we're doing with our time and money. Is it worth it? Should we have put the money towards something like IVF instead?

For those of you who are new here, my husband is being treated for low sperm morphology, and I for endometriosis, hormonal imbalance and a cold condition. Our TCM doc believes that once these problems are resolved, we should be able to conceive naturally. So my husband and I have electroacupuncture twice a week, and we drink a tailor-made herbal concoction everyday. I have upped my treatments with daily moxibustion and electroacupuncture everyday between the end of my period and ovulation during my last 2 cycles.

But has all this been worth it?

I wasn't sure but DH put my mind at ease for these reasons:

IVF does not guarantee us a baby nor try to resolve any of our underlying health/fertility problems. But with TCM,

- my endo is being treated and my symptoms are diminishing, hence my quality of life has improved

- my periods are being normalized and are more manageable now

- my husband's energy levels have increased significantly

- we managed to conceive once, which proved to us that we can conceive naturally and my husband's sperm is working!

- we do not have any bad side-effects from the treatment

Weighing the two, TCM has definitely been more beneficial to us. And so, TCM it is for us. So bring on the putrid potions and gnarly needles Year 2! We're ready for ya!

SuperGirl Egg Whites

Talking about what comes out of my va-jay-jay isn't exactly what everybody is dying to hear, nor is it quite socially appropriate. But what I had last night was so spectacular, I can't not write about it!

If Supergirl was ever real and had cervical mucous, I think what I discharged last night would be exactly it! So after doing the "deed" with DH, and propping up my hips for 15 minutes - you know, doing all the stuff desperately TTC women do, I went to the toilet to pee. After wiping with a wad of TP, I let go the TP without looking. But strangely, it felt like it was still stuck to the va-jay-jay. I looked down. Huh? No TP there. But it still felt like something was hanging off me. I looked again. Then I saw the wad of toilet paper hovering midway above the water. What? What's going on here? So I retrieved the hovering TP and noticed that it was connected to me with some kind of superglue! I wiped the "glue" off me and had a good look. Holy Moly! That stuff just came out of my va-jay-jay! It was absolutely translucent and glossy with a slight yellow tint, exactly the way egg whites look. EXACTLY! Except that it was so strong, sticky and super-stretchy that it could be pulled to a length of 4-5 inches long! I was blown away! I have never seen anything like it coming out of my cha-cha! It was unbelievable. I even checked with DH and asked if it was "his"! He doubted it. So did I.

Well, unless there's a strange chemical reaction that happened when we were doing the "deed", my only conclusion is that that was all me! Ahh! So that is why they call the fertile CM egg white! It really looks like it! I know I sound like an extremely clueless, naive girl, but with the sorts of hormonal & menstrual problems I've had through my life, I guess I've never been normal. And all that acupuncture and herbs and moxa must have made me normal! Now I'm beginning to feel like a REAL woman!

And those super egg whites came at the right time because I should be ovulating any day now. It's CD18 and the egg should hatch around CD19 (fingers crossed). I've been peeing on the OPK obsessively and is seeing the second line appear very slowly. Yay! I think my LH surge is coming, followed by the egg hopefully! So my DH and I have changed our TTC strategy a bit. We will try and increase our chances of conception by having all his soldiers ready up there and waiting for the egg to break loose - instead of going nuts like rabbits only when we see the surge. So we're starting early. Who knows how long it'll take his soldiers to make the big swim - they aren't exactly marathon olympic champion swimmers!

Anyway, here are some pictures. No - not of my egg white hanging off my cha-cha, you perverts! LOL! Here's an update of my Frankensteinian arm, taken today when the dressing was changed, with the stitches still in. Although there hasn't been any noticable progress, my skin is STILL alive. Woohoo!

The cut on my palm is healing nicely. And neatly. My skin however looks awful! But it's red and alive and not infected, which is what counts:

Here are the cuts covered in gauze and antiseptic cream. The yellow stains on my arm are the side-effects from the local anesthetic:

And here's the arm all bundled up neat and nice. So you can never see how badly I'm itching in there!