Mad IF Disease

Today is 10DPO. With Aunt Flo due just around the corner, I have about 4 more days left of driving myself insane with "Mad Cow IF Disease", where I over-analyze, and question, and deliberate on every symptom I have as a pregnancy symptom. The problem is I haven't got any symptoms to deliberate over! And that's what's driving me crazy!

Apart from a few seconds of nausea and giddiness over a couple of days (which could very well have been my over-active imagination), and a slight fever in the evenings, there is absolutely nothing going on in my body which could give me hope. There are no sore boobies or nipples, no strange cravings, no gas, no mood swings whatsoever! I've been strangely.... happy. WAIT---is that a pregnancy symptom?

I've been touching my breasts all day to check if they were sore. I swear I've never touched myself so much before!

Having been quite the drama queen this month with all the jinxes I've had, I told myself that I would keep my cool throughout my 2 Week Wait. It started off well, but I've succumbed to the sadomasochistic pleasures of torture--reading up on all the early pregnancy symptoms women experience before their 2WW was up. Why Oh Why Oh Why do I torture myself like this?

Every time I come across a testimonial about breast symptoms, my heart sinks.

" #DPO - sore nipples..."   OK-SKIP!

" #DPO - breasts sore..."   PASS!

" #DPO - sides of breasts painful..."   NEXT!

I've had to skip so many testimonials that it became clearer and more frustrating to me that I'm just not one of those lucky girls...

However, this "Mad IF Disease" has me clinging on to hope, even in the absence of all symptoms. My logical brain tells me this is completely illogical! It is stupid. Yet I can't wait to go to bed so that I can wake up the next morning and chart my BBT. And hopefully see that there's a jump in my temperature.

My TCM doc read my pulse today and said that my heat and qi levels are good, but there's no baby singing to him yet...  

"@#$%&*!" I thought!

I'm doing well huh, so what the @#$%&*! is wrong?

If I'm not pregnant, I just wish that AF would get here and let me move on with my life. And the least I can hope for is that she will be painless and easy on me this time round... I am so ready to say Good Bye to all that Endo pain. Will I be that lucky this time?