I need to shout a big "THANK YOU" to all the wonderful girls who have been giving me their love, support and encouragement here over the last few days. The gift of your words have consoled me immensely! I never imagined that I would ever find such warmth and support here in blogoland, but I have and it's made my journey through IF a little more bearable. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
I am also thankful that today has not turned out to be disasterous, and that I have been able to deal with things a lot better. It must be all the positive energy you've been sending me! Despite having only 2 hours of sleep last night (I have major sleep issues) and seeing the Big Extremely FAT Negative on my Clear Blue HPT (it's got the fattest NEGATIVE line on any pee stick I've ever seen-They know how to rub it in!), and then discovering quite a bit of blood just hours later (Yup-another 25 bucks wasted again!), I have not broken down nor shed a single tear today.
I am a bit confused though about the bleeding... I am not exactly sure if AF has arrived because it's only 12DPO and that's unusual for me. I needed to use something more protective than a pantyliner and the color was rather shocking. The yeast infection pessary (Canesten) has dissolved and it has mixed with blood into a bright milky red. Just imagine bright red tomato soup that has some cream stirred in. That's exactly what it looks like! (Ooops! Sorry if you're eating right now!) I know that Canesten can make you bleed a little, but If that's bleeding from the Canesten, the amount is quite startling. If it's AF-she's early (maybe someone granted my wish. Hmmm...be careful what you wish for). But the good news is I haven't felt any pain -only a slight pressure for several seconds. I will wait and see. If AF gets fierce, then I'll mark today as CD1.
So why did I POAS on 12DPO? I was pretty sure I wasn't pregnant this cycle but I peed on the stick anyway because I wanted confirmation--Confirmation that I didn't need to eat well for a baby and that I could give myself a break AND be as sinful as I liked with food tonight. We had another round of family celebrations for my husband who turned 41 a few days ago, and believe me, I SINNED! Mmmmm...it was so yummy!
There will be no more crying for me now. I am tired of being sad and tired of being tired! I am so done with this past cycle! The last few weeks have felt like the safety harness on my roller coaster had snapped open and I had been flung out into the arms of death. But I survived and I am back on that roller coaster again! I expect AF (in cahoots with Aunt Endo) might be planning to scare me with some jolts of pain. But I am ready to face it!
(OK-I lied-only sort of! I'm never ready for pain)
I'm eager to put all this crap behind me and look forward to a brand new cycle and another shot at baby. I am gonna enjoy the rest of my weekend and on Monday, I'm gonna charge into my TCM clinic with new vigor! Along the way, I will be sure to make my TCM doc feel a bit guilty too for taking so long to give me my baby! LOL!! Get with the program doc! Haven't you seen my wish list? I want a baby for Christmas!
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This book gave me hope and set me on the course to healing my endo and infertility with TCM. A must-read for all women trying to conceive naturally or through ART/IVF
- zengirl
- I am 39 and blessed with a pretty blissful married life, except the part about having a crappy uterus and being barren. I've been living with painful endometriosis since my mid-20s and spent the first 6 years of our marriage idiotically trying NOT to get pregnant, only to realize through the next 4 years that we couldn't anyway. Now into our 5th year of TTC, I've recently been further diagnosed with adenomyosis, fibroids and hormonal imbalance as well. To add to this mix, hubs also has crappy sperm with low motility, morphology and sperm count. With mainstream western medicine offering us little hope, hubs and I are currently pursuing Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) to help us conceive despite our horrible odds. I feel optimistic as I have experienced positive changes and have managed to get pregnant once with TCM. Even though it ended in a painful miscarriage, I'm hanging on to the fact that something in my body is still working and a baby is still a possibility in our lives. Meanwhile, I am a fur mommy to our cat Zoey, who provides much needed comic relief in between. This blog will chronicle our ups and downs and progress, or not, while trying to remain zen through it all...
This book gave me hope and set me on the course to healing my endo and infertility with TCM. A must-read for all women trying to conceive naturally or through ART/IVF
Oct 20, 2008--1st consultation w TCM doc. Diagnosis: blood stasis, cold condition, cold uterus, hormonal imbalance, wind, low kidney ying and yang. Started acupuncture & herbs right away. Continued with daily herbs, and acupuncture twice weekly. Husband also treated for low sperm morphology. We decided to have break from TTC for a few months
Nov 19, 2008--1st period after starting TCM. Miraculously no pain!
Dec 20, 2008--2nd period after starting TCM.Again no pain, but unusual bleeding for 19 days.
Jan 28, 2009--3rd period after starting TCM. Mild ache for 1 day, heavy flow. Started TTC this cycle.
Feb 16, 2009--Ovulated naturally
Feb 26, 2009-- Last TCM session before vacation
Mar 1, 2009--Departed for vacation
Mar 10, 2009--Discovered I was Pregnant! Jaw dropped! Hit jackpot right away after resuming TTC for only 1 month!
Mar 14, 2009--Spotting started, off and on for 2 weeks
Mar 25, 2009--Miscarriage. Coupled with severe gastritis. Thought I was going to die!
April 20, 2009--Resumed TCM treatment w daily herbs and acupuncture twice weekly
May 11, 2009--1st period after miscarriage. Pain from hell for 3 days. Cramps, heavy flow, clots.
June 15, 2009-2nd period after miscarriage. Excruciating pain for 3 days but 30-40% less than previous period. Clots, flow moderate. No ovulation detected this cycle.
July 26, 2009--3rd period after miscarriage. Pain for 3 days but 30% less than previous period. Clots, flow moderate.
Aug 19, 2009--Ovulated naturally
Sep 2, 2009--4th Period after miscarriage. Pain for 2 days, 50% less pain. Clots, flow moderate. TCM doc's conclusion - progress slow due to wind & obstruction of channels still present from miscarriage.
Sep 7, 2009--1st Moxibustion for more aggressive treatment. Continued for 5 consecutive days. Significant increase in heat levels in body. After 3-day break, had 6 more moxibustion sessions.
Sep 19, 2009--Ovulated naturally and earlier on CD19
Oct 4, 2009--5th Period after miscarriage. 1 day of pain only! Woohoo! Pain intensity less than previous month and no clots-Getting better! Completed total of 12 moxa sessions this past cycle.
Oct 12, 2009--Started moxa for current cycle. Eventually completed 10 moxa sessions. Qi and heat levels good. Hand injury on Oct 15 had minimal effect on my general condition. Had a round of anti-biotics and tetanus shot for hand.
Nov 6, 2009--Treated yeast infection with Canesten 1-Day pessary which caused significant bleeding. Consumed 2x150ml of cultured milk for 3 days to build up good bacteria that anti-biotics destroyed.
Nov 9, 2009--6th period after miscarriage. Horrible relapse in pain that lasted 5 and 1/2 days, although pain intensity same as previous month. Heavy flow, clots even on CD6, gastritis, lower back pain. Disappointed is an understatement.
17 Nov, 2009--Started 1st moxa for new cycle ie:7th cycle since miscarriage. Completed 8 moxa sessions almost consecutively. Did not even ovulate this cycle.
11 Dec, 2009--Started spotting for 9 days. No sign of red flow. Can we even call this a period? If so it would be my 7th period after m/c
Jan 2010--No idea if I ovulated because we went on vacation in Boracay and did not care.
10 Jan, 2010--Crap! Period came during my last 2 days of vacation in Boracay. Took painkillers at the first sign of pain (2 days). Flow was a little heavy at first, then moderate and was over in 7 days. Red fresh flow. No clots. Yay!
22 Jan, 2010--1st visit with new acupuncturist ie 2nd TCM doc. Only medicine prescribed.
25 Jan, 2010--1st acupuncture session with new acupuncturist. Nearly died from pain.
27 Jan, 2010--My elusive egg reappeared! I finally ovulated naturally again for the 1st time since Nov 09.
5 Feb, 2010--New acupuncturist claimed there was a 90% chance I could get pregnant this cycle. Yeah right!
11 Feb, 2010--Got my 8th period after m/c. Usual awful AF-cramps, heavy flow, clots, but finished efficiently within 7 days
15 Mar, 2010--After obsessing about my egg being MIA again, the OPK finally turned positive on CD 33.
29 Mar, 2010--Another BFN. AF brought 2 days of pain but the flow is more normal and with occasional clots.
26 Apr, 2010--New TCM fertility specialist-TCM doc No3. Diagnosed with adenomyosis and 3cm fibroid from u/s. Started new herbs right away taken in capsule form, daily. No acupuncture prescribed.
3 May, 2010--10th period after m/c. No sign that I ovulated. Fibroid swelled to 4.8cm on u/s on CD 1. Two days of pain but was greatly minimized by TCM herbal cramp medication. Amazed that herbs work for pain! The flow is normal. I think TCM has helped regulate the blood flow.
22 June, 2010--11th period after m/c. Ridiculously long 50-day cycle with ovulation on CD40. Two days of AF pain but was greatly minimized by TCM herbal cramp medication. Blood flow good and moderate. Gastritis was awful though.
2WW - 2 Week Wait
Adeno - Adenomyosis
AF - Aunt Flo (period)ART - Assisted Reproductive
Technology
BBT - Basal Body Temperature
BFN - Big Fat Negative
(not pregnant)
BFP - Big Fat Positive
(pregnant)
BIL - Brother-in-law
CD - Cycle Day
CM - Cervical Mucous
DH - Dear Husband
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
Endo - Endometriosis
FIL - Father-in-law
Golden Child- my sis-in-law's 5 yr
old daughter
@ Her Royal Highness
IF - Infertility
IVF - In Vitro Fertilisation
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
M/C - Miscarriage
MIL - Mother-in-law
Moxa - Moxibustion - TCM
therapy where
acupuncture needles
are indirectly heated by
a burning cigar-like stick
made of muwort herb
O - Ovulation/Ovulate
OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kit
POAS - Pee On A Stick
SIL - Sister-in-law
TCM - Traditional Chinese
Medicine
TMI - Too much information
TTC - Trying To Conceive
U/S - Ultrasound
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2009
(66)
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November
(15)
- Don't Worry, Be Happy?
- Can't Find My Eggs!
- "O" Woes
- Feelings... Nothing more than.... Feelings...
- K.I.S.S. - Keepin' it Short and Simple
- Cold As A Witch's Tit
- Love and Prayers Needed
- Endometriosis Pain in All Its Glory
- A Pretty Good Day
- My Liver's Having A Bad Day!
- Relapse
- Thankful
- Please Somebody Give Me A Break!
- Mad IF Disease
- The Dreaded Cottage Cheese
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November
(15)
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My Endo Post from Facebook8 years ago
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hello and goodbye8 years ago
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Gone too long8 years ago
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Here and Now8 years ago
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Hello, It's Me9 years ago
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One and Done10 years ago
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Another New Identity10 years ago
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Strep and antibiotics and hives! Oh my!10 years ago
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Overdue!10 years ago
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Tyler: 32 Months10 years ago
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Family Photo Session!12 years ago
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A trying day12 years ago
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My Birth Story14 years ago
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Feedjit
6 comments:
I love your positive energy!
Here's to the next cycle and a Christmas wish!
Thinking about you and know that I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way!!
Congratulations on staying positive! I think that December is a great time to get a BFP!
That's the spirit! Keep on keepin' on, lady - your body just keeps getting healthier and stronger and your chances will only increase this upcoming cycle! Enjoy your treats and then back at it with TCM and all our support!
Yay! No more crying for now! Let's learn to enjoy, appreciate and savor each day as it comes. I am trying to as well especially in appreciating special people to me. Life then gets so much more bearable and even beautiful. It will do wonders for the overall being of a person, body and soul.
I am inspired by how you can manage to keep so positive with everything. Lately I have just had a hard time seeing the brighter side of things, but when I read blogs from people like you who manage to keep your spirits up it encourages me to try and do the same.
My Experience from Uk. I was Married 4 years with infertility, my journey has ended with the help of Dr Oyama. I have joined many infertility journey blogs online just to have a comforted heart over my problem and this has helped me to find the right man to help me cure this devastating problem. As a patient of endometriosis stage 3, it was really difficult to have a child but with the help of Oyama I got natural herbs and conceived within weeks of herbal treatment and before I knew it, I was finally pregnant. I never believed it was possible after 9 years of marriage. Thanks to everyone who has helped me both mentally and emotionally through this journey Oyama solved my problem with his natural herbs and I promise to manifest his work to other people and friends. WhatsApp Message/Call him on +2348108264684 and Email Oyama at: droyamasolutiontemple@gmail.com
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