Looking At the Bright Side

As disappointing as this past cycle has been for me, Dr.NeverGiveUp tried to focus on the good things today.

• Ms.RJ1, the monster egg-cum-cyst has disappeared! Today's u/s scan revealed that she is gone! The red tide must have "flushed" her out!

• He thinks my cycles are getting shorter and I am producing eggs earlier. Although I've had better cycles 2 years ago, it is obvious that my fertility has gone worse with age. My first cycle under his care was 51 days. Followed by a non-ovulatory 36-day cycle. Then a 37-day cycle with ovulation on CD23. And most recently, a 35-day cycle with a luteinized follicle on Day 20, even though it didn't ovulate. Not exactly champagne breaking news, but it's not bad.

It's CD4 today. The pain has been intermittent but I think the worst is over. My hormones are beginning to rage. I can feel my sex drive surging again. I swear-this is ALL Dr.NeverGiveUp's doing!  :-O

Monster Egg

Ms.RJ1 has turned into a MONSTER!

Today she measured in at 30mm!!! WTF? That's about 1 1/4 inch in diameter!

Apparently she found my ovary too comfortable and did not want to leave! The u/s scan showed that she's looking a bit whitish, which means that she will not ovulate. She is turning into a cyst, which will hopefully dissolve eventually (keeping my fingers crossed).

Dr.Never GiveUp came to a few conclusions about my state:

THE BAD:

I have Luteinizing Unruptured Follicle Syndrome (LUFS of LUF) which may be caused by 2 things:

1. Insufficient luteinizing hormone (LH) to trigger ovulation. LH is produced by the pituitary gland, therefore this may point to a problem with my pituitary gland
2. There is a problem in the quality of my egg (Surprise!Surprise!) whereby the "shell" may too tough for the egg to break through, even with sufficient LH

Dr.Never GiveUp noted that I did show a LH surge in my OPK, and from his years of experience, feels that the problem usually does not lie with LH production, but more towards the egg quality. He told me not to worry as he had many patients with this problem and that his chinese herbal medicine (TCM) will help in my case. He said that it is not possible to treat the pituitary gland so to speak, but he will continue to concentrate on improving egg quality.

My lining has thickened to 18mm which means that I should expect AF within the next few days.

THE GOOD:

"At least you're producing eggs!" His exact words. Whoopee???

The Itch Bitch is gone! Good riddance!

I am super horny again. And I am producing abundant clearish cervical mucous (CM), which is very strange to me during this part of the cycle. I know it couldn't possible be fertile CM since Ms.Monster is way past her fertile peak already. I asked Dr.Never GiveUp about the CM and he explained that a healthy woman typically produces 2 types of clear CM: estrogen mucous around ovulation, and progesterone mucous a few days before her period. Her sex drive will also peak around these times. Well, no wonder I'm so horny! He asked me if I my sex drive increased during these times. Since I am producing the progesterone mucous now, he would know that I was horny! I was a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I told him it did, where previously I did not have this pre AF symptom. This means that my body is actually improving with all these subtle signs. Good to know that something is working!

Sucky Scan

It's CD 32. My ultrasound scan today revealed no eggs.

WHAT? (See my avatar-My eyes popped out like that!)

Could I have ovulated?

NOPE.

My BBT hasn't risen.

And 4 days ago the eggs were still very, very tiny. Could they have grown in leaps and bounds and ovulated 
all within 4 days?

HIGHLY UNLIKELY. (In other words, FAT CHANCE!)

And I thought I might see a fat ripe follicle growing today too. Ppphhhhffft!

Dr.NeverGiveUp says they may have dissolved due to lack of hormonal stimulation. Or something like that.

He's changing my herbal formula to boost my hormones.

And what was that tiny cramping 2 days ago that resulted in some spotting hours later?

He tells me it could be ovulation pain.

HUH?

But I thought I couldn't have ovulated? Is he trying to be optimistic here?

And he tells me that the cyst last month has disappeared!

WHAT CYST?

He never told me that I had one.

Could some aliens have abducted all my eggs? And cyst too? That would be a convenient explanation. It would be nice to know for once that it wasn't my fault my eggs disappeared.

SO NOW I AM ALL CONFUSED.

And Dr.NeverGiveUp wants us to continue boinking like I might just have ovulated. I'm feeling so emotionally dejected now, but I've still got to get the sexy game going tonight. Doctor's orders!

Aaaarrrrgghhhhhh!

(Note to self: Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Happy Girl =Happy Hormones.
Think Zen.
Feel Zen.
Be Zen.
My name is not RagingLunaticUpsetMadGirl..
I am Zengirl...)