LUFS Has Left The Building!

I am now officially in my hair clenching, symptom-obsessed 2WW now.

I went in for my u/s scan today and Dr.NeverGiveUp confirms that the 14mm follicle is no longer visible. This is music to my ears because it means that I have.....OVULATED! Take that you Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome (LUFS)! Last cycle, my egg did not manage to release even though I had an LH surge, and Dr.NeverGiveUp had scribbled in huge letters over my chart- "LUFS"! Hah!

He tells me that ovulation happened most likely on CD20, which was consistent with the predicted maturity of my follicle based on the last scan, and also by the surge of my BBT.

It is now 4DPO (CD25) and I have another 10days more to drive myself insane wondering if I'm preggers or not. Three days ago, I had already started obsessing because my nipples started to get sore, which I don't normally experience. And I felt a wave of nausea that lasted a few seconds last night. I know it's just paranoia - I can't possibly be pregnant yet because it's too early, and implantation hasn't even happened yet. Of course I had to ask Dr.NeverGiveUp if a woman is able to feel pregnant before implantation, and of course he said no! Well, my nipples are still sore! It's probably just the naturally released progesterone talking through my nipples!

But Dr.NeverGiveUp's fertility forecast for me is positively good. He tells me that I have a good chance in getting pregnant this cycle because I ovulated as I should have, we had well timed sex, my BBT surge is looking good and my lining looks very, very fertile. His herbal medication should also help with my progesterone production.  The only concern we have is where the embryo will implant itself. If it can avoid my fibroid/adeno mass (Ms.Nasty), then it has a good chance of survival. He reassured me by telling me that 2 of his patients with the exact same fibroid location as mine managed to get pregnant successfully, as the embryo had implanted itself away from that mass.

So, keeping a positive face, I am going to assume that Mr.Dashing Sperm has met Ms.RJ2 and had a blast(ocyst)! Please be a little good blastocyst and do your thing now OK-just find a great little spot far away as possible from Ms.Nasty and stay put!  :-)

I Wore Black Today

The possibility of losing my "baby" hit me really hard today. This is the closest I've been to getting pregnant in the last 6 months since my miscarriage, and to see it slip away again has been devastating.

I woke up today, 11 DPO, to discover that the brown discharge I had since yesterday (10DPO) had not ceased nor lightened. I was really hoping for it to be a sign of implantation bleeding - short and light, since it started within the expected period of implantation bleeding which is 6-10 days past ovulation. But since it's still going strong on the second day, followed by slight cramping that came and went last night, it's looking bad. Plus, all my breast tenderness over the past week has disappeared completely - which doesn't augur well for pregnancy. It seems like my little bean may not be able to hang on. And this tore me up. I think the dreaded Aunt Flo is coming. I never thought I would ever cry over a pregnancy that hasn't even materialized yet. But it's like seeing a dream being destroyed in slow motion. Each day has been a long and turbulent struggle emotionally.

It didn't help when my TCM doc had nothing positive to say today. He still couldn't find a pregnancy pulse. After hearing about my spotting and symptoms, and not being able to read a positive from my pulse, he told me that my chances of being pregnant now was even lower today. I could really see it in his face that he was very disappointed too, even though he has really been trying to help me. I brought up a 2nd scenario where I assumed that a conception never happened - and asked him why I was spotting on 10DPO, despite the intensive treatments this cycle. I never spotted that early in my past year of charting. That only reaffirmed his conviction that it was implantation bleeding and that my little bean has been fighting hard to stay alive. Despite the emotional turmoil, my acupuncture session today felt really good. I felt it calming my uterus down. It felt restful and good. But as soon as I left his clinic I bawled my eyes out.

So is all this implantation drama for real? It seems very highly possible, but things are not looking good now. Black felt like an appropriate color to wear today. My soul found solace in its quite darkness.

Yet, implantation bleeding has been known to last 3 days. I still have hope, despite the odds. But my heart can't really take this torture anymore. I think I am far on enough in my cycle to take an early pregnancy test now. I have decided to do it tomorrow morning and end this torment. I am hoping for the best, but I am prepared for the worst. God help me through the days to come!

Pineapple - A Jeckell and Hyde

Pineapple, the wonderfood for infertile women has a more sinister side - it can cause ABORTION!

I'm sure many women suffering from infertility or who are TTC have heard or read that pineapple assists in implantation. The theory is that pineapple contains bromelain, an enzyme that breaks up proteins that inhibit the implantation of a fertilized egg onto the wall of the uterus. This notion is even being encouraged by some practitioners in naturopathy and TCM.

Because of my recent suspicions about pregnancy at my TCM's clinic recently, I asked the doctor if it would be a good idea to eat pineapple, as I had read that it would encourage implantation. My TCM doc exclaimed without any hesitation, a big

"NO! It causes abortion!"

I was shocked - that was the LAST thing I wanted. How could there be such controversial uses for the same fruit! He got quite upset about how scientific lab tests have been taken out of context by people. He said that bromelain was only a very small component of the whole pineapple. When its benefits were discovered, people only focused on the bromelain part of the pineapple and failed to address the other components of the pineapple, which can also trigger abortion. Its use has been documented as an aid for abortions for thousands of years in TCM!

I completely understand what he's saying and I am not going to refute thousands of years of pineapple-induced abortion practices in China!

This practice apparently doesn't end in China either. Many other cultures such as in Hawaii also use it to trigger abortion. Pineapple can cause contractions in pregnant women, accidentally causing a miscarriage.

So I am writing this as a caution to women who are trying to conceive about the dangers of pineapple. Our spark of life trying to grow in our tummies could unknowingly be destroyed by this humble tropical fruit. Do yourselves a favor and find another source of bromelain that is less harmful! We IF women are trying so hard to conceive, often spending thousands of dollars on treatments, not to mention our huge emotional investment. We do not want to endanger any chance we might have of getting pregnant.

I really have no idea how much of the pineapple you need to eat, what parts of it or how often you need to eat it for implantation or abortion to happen. I do not have any proof of any of these theories, but...

Why take that risk with abortion? I certainly won't! Would you?

The 2-Week Obsession

It's 5 days past ovulation for me and it's starting again-- I am beginning to obsess over whether I am pregnant or not, even though I told myself not to. Assuming that one of my DH's super soldiers managed to find my egg, I am now currently obsessing whether implantation is going to happen or not. I am noticing every twang in my ute, checking for any slight change in CM, asking myself if my nipples are really sore or if it's my imagination, and making sure I'm not jumping around so that my egg has every chance of sticking to my ute! Yes-The 2-Week-Crazy-Obsessed-Knocked-up-Wanna-Be is on the loose again! The 2WW is really hard. Are all IF sisters just like me?