Halloween Sex Nightmare

Well, I am not talking about a movie or a dream, but as usual, it is my damn high-drama IF life.

WARNING: This is a TMI post!

It's 6DPO this Halloween, and still feeling a bit frisky, I thought it would be ok to have a little luvin'. I certainly remember Dr.NeverGiveUp's advice about not having sex 3-4 days prior to AF (read here and here). And I thought I was still in the clear.

Well, hubs and I were both shocked to discover brown discharge halfway through it. It did not start out this way, nor was I spotting before. Could we have induced another early period with sex again?  I mean it's another 8 days till my period is due! WTF? The brown spotting has not increased but it has not stopped. Do I have some crappy incompetent cervix that can't keep my lining in somehow?

My nipples are still sore, but it's less intense now. My BBT is still relatively low-I think it indicates my progesterone production is still not great. And I've been feeling very crampy and bloated the last couple of days, though it has subsided. And some of the blood from my so called "beautiful" lining has shed-I think that's what the brown stuff was. Shit! Things don't look good. There goes my BFP. 

It's been a hell of a Halloween! Hope yours was better.

Me So "!!-BLEEP-!!"

I went in to see Dr.NeverGiveUp last Friday with an Excite-O-Meter Level of like, 1 billion, because I was super excited about getting my blood work back. I've already been on his meds for 100 days - the minimum pre-requisite for change to happen - and things should be starting to take effect on my body by now.

So I head into the room when my name was called. Only Dr.Don'tWorry, his wife, greeted me. The second that I heard that he wasn't around and that they hadn't got my blood work back yet, well, let's put it this way - if I were an erection, I deflated instantly! I lost all enthusiasm after that. And the rest of the appointment was rather uneventful. All I remember was Dr.Don'tWorry breaking out into her usual "Don't Worry!" song...

"Don't worry about the fibroid..." - my fibroid hasn't shrunk any further.

"Don't worry about your hormones..." - I was worried that I hadn't been ovulating much.

"Don't worry about your testosterone levels..." - they've been a tad high. She then tells me that a patient of hers had it a lot worse than me. Her testosterone was so high that she had to shave her chin everyday before going to work. And she didn't even ovulate. But after 8 months on their herbal formula, she managed to conceive...

I think my hormonal imbalance is somewhat attributed to my strange nocturnal lifestyle. Last month, it got so bad that I was going to bed at noon and waking up at 8pm just in time to have dinner with hubs. My work revolves around an online global market that is open 24 hours, so I don't have or need specific working hours. My odd sleeping hours have also been exacerbated by a history of AF endo pain, which intensifies and keeps me awake through the night, leaving me exhausted by daytime when I could finally sleep. My body eventually preferred to stay awake at night and sleep in the day. I mean, I am more vampire than Edward from Twilight! Unlike Edward, I don't see daylight much and certainly don't go out and sparkle in the sun at all!

My circadian rhythm's all off and I have no doubt it is wreaking havoc on my hormones. So I've been trying to fix that by regulating my sleep habits this past week to be more in tune with the "living". I'm not all normal yet but I'm doing a lot better now. At least I am asleep when the sky's still dark and I'm up before noon. And I have to say that I feel so much better now. Maybe it's mainly psychological, but I don't feel like such a freak at least.

Well I don't know what else is going on with my hormones but my libido has not subsided. Usually it's in a coma and by the time we get to ovulation, it is like pretty much super dead. Maybe Dr.NeverGiveUp's meds has something to do with it??!!! I feel like a teenage boy with raging hormones who has just discovered sex! And wanting it. All. The. Time! Hello? Whose body is that inside???

And I've been feeling really hot too. The ridiculously hot weather hasn't been helping much either. The palms of my hands are extremely warm and flushed all the time. I can just about heat up food by hovering my hands over them! I call them my "microwave hands". According to TCM, I've been diagnosed with a cold condition and I used to joke about it by calling myself a cool babe. Since being on Dr.NeverGiveUp's meds, I'm the complete opposite now - I'm a hot babe! Hubs calls me Hot and Horny! Having battled with IF for years, sex has got to a point where it has become a pointless chore that only happens when I'm ovulating. But now, sex is fun again for me. It's only CD16 now and I don't know how long I can keep this up, but for now, hubs isn't complaining at all. Maybe my moniker needs to be changed from Zen Girl to Horny Girl!

This song comes to mind! LOL!
(Warning-Keep a bar of soap handy to clean your ears out with - explicit lyrics!)

Is Ms.Nasty Turning Over A New Leaf?

Ms.Nasty, my uterine-fibroid-slash-adenomyosis-slash-endometriosis-mass-near-my-ass gave me a shock today! She measured in at 38mm during my ultrasound scan! That folks, is shockingly good news because she's... Wait for it...

10mm SMALLER! (Gasp! Gasp!)

She has shrunk!

A week ago during my period, she was still the same size, as she always is at all my u/s scans-A big fat 48mm! 

Dr.NeverGiveUp doesn't know what's going on. But I think I do. (More later).

"Can the fluctuations in hormones during a menstrual cycle cause the size to change?" I asked.

"No. Fibroids do not change like that."

 I knew from his expression that he was puzzled, but he kept quiet. And didn't want to offer any explanations. He wasn't treating me for Ms.Nasty but I have been secretly battling Ms.Nasty on my own. And I am hoping that Ms.Nasty's retreat is the result of that, and not a fluke. 

I was so astonished and happy after the u/s scan that I forgot to ask for a picture of it. But Ms.Nasty actually looked smaller. She's flatter and not so round. Oh please, please, puhleeeze let this be a permanent change!

She may have behaved like a saint today, but yesterday, she was one nasty devil, being a real pain in my ass. Literally. Just like clockwork, "Ass-throb Day" turned up on CD10 and attacked me out of nowhere! My rectum felt like it had been impaled by a knife. It was like a major serious period cramp in the wrong place--Up my butt! It was so bad, I had to get off my computer and lie down. If you had a period cramp you could put a heating pad, or massage your tummy, but how do you do that when the pain's inside your ass? I had never had it so bad before and I was seriously contemplating taking a painkiller for it. But I stuck it out. The most intense pain lasted for 20-30 minutes. And then it lingered for a total of 3-4 hours before it vanished! Thank god it did, because if Ms.Nasty's being particularly mean, she can make it last for days.

For a long time I never knew what caused the pain, but after seeing the u/s scan of Ms.Nasty leaning right next to my rectum, I knew she had something to do with it. And for some strange reason, she likes to wreak havoc on CD10. Surprisingly, she went away as quickly as she came. And today, she's even made herself smaller!

Today, I also managed to ask Dr.NeverGiveUp my burning question of the week:

Can sex induce a period? The answer is "Yes!"

For that reason, he advices that women trying to conceive should stay away from sex during the last 3-4 days before their period. So I was panicking for no reason when AF came on 11DPO after sex. Rest assured girls-these things do happen! And talking about sex, he has already scheduled when we should be having sex next-today (Friday), Monday and Wednesday! It's very weird having another man tell me when to have sex!

My next post-I'll let you in on the secret stuff I've been doing behind Dr.NeverGiveU's back and why I think Ms.Nasty has calmed down a notch. Stay tuned.

WTF Period On 11DPO

I'm so sad.

I knew this cycle was a bust for me. I just knew I wouldn't get pregnant given the condition I'm in. And I was so sure that I wouldn't feel upset because I was already expecting a BFN.

But what do you do when AF arrives 4 days early? Today would have been 11DPO, but I've started bleeding already. This means that I had an incredibly short luteal phase at only 10 days. Which is just Plain. Bad. News.

And I am just wondering whether the love-making we had last night brought on the period. In fact, I told hubs that it may cause it to come early, though deep down I felt it was quite unlikely given that my period was still quite a few days away. So I was really shocked to wake up and find spotting on my underwear. And bright red on the TP wipe. And it's been building up. My BBT has plunged too. I'm pretty sure this is it (AF).

It's happened to me before but usually just the day or 2 before my expected AF. But never this early. Has anyone had their periods induced by sex before? If it has happened to you before, can you please let me know because I feel like such a freak right now?

If this is a normal occurrence, then, is this why they tell you not to have sex during your 2WW if you're trying to conceive? I've heard about not exercising or having sex during the 2WW and I used to stick to it religiously, but I was beginning to think that it was all bullshit when I never got pregnant anyway. Dr.NeverGiveUp told me not to exercise in the last 3 days before AF but he never mentioned anything about sex.

So now I'm upset and confused.

I already have a long list of infertility challenges - endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroid, hormonal imbalance, irregular ovulation and bad eggs. And I really don't want to add "luteal phase defect" to it.

I've been holding up quite well the whole day, but I think I'm beginning to crack.

I'm such a walking disaster.  Sniff!

Endometriosis Pain in All Its Glory

Ass-throb Day seems to be gleefully missing in action this month! This literal pain-in-the-ass (compliments of endometriosis) almost always happens on CD10 for me, but it's already the end of CD11, and there's no sign of my rectum transforming magically into a nuclear reactor for the day. This is goooood!

So something in Traditional Chinese Medicine is working for me somehow. I really don't understand how all the herbs and acupuncture work exactly, but I am thankful that the pain that has besieged much of my life is slowly diminishing. I am a realist though. I don't expect all the adhesions that have been forming over the years of my life to disappear nor this endo pain to vanish completely. For example, due to a change in my diet, I was a bit constipated yesterday (sorry-too much information!) and my bowel movements caused pain in my uterus. The pain felt like period cramps that lasted some 15-20 minutes, even though I wasn't having my period. Now, what does taking a dump have anything to do with the uterus? The only logical explanation I can think of is that endometriosis has somehow glued my uterus and colon together, and movements in either effect anything that is joined to it. This is unfortunately the kind of shit (pardon the pun) that endometriosis sufferers have to deal with much of the time. But thankfully incidences like that have also diminished over time for me since I began TCM.

I used to dread going to the toilet when I had periods. As if the killer pain of endo/AF wasn't bad enough, peeing and crapping was a BIG ORDEAL every single time! They were always accompanied by excruciating pain that is 1000% worse than what you started off with. The experience is just simply ridiculous! Can you imagine wanting to pooop so badly but you're holding back while pooping (and menstruating) because it's causing you such immense pain! So do you keep it in or get it out? What a stupid dilemma! I would often be clinging on to the walls or bathroom countertop infront of me with tears streaming down my eyes while I did it. Pooping scared me to death each time! And that's not a joke! Yes, a simple call of nature turns diabolical when you have endometriosis. But I am so thankful that this is no longer a torturous routine with my periods now.

I wish I could say the same for sex too. Yes, endometriosis is really unforgiving--It is determined to make every part of your life a misery. Having pain during sex is another ordeal that many endometriosis sufferers have to endure. Pain? What? Where? How? I remember the days pouring over Dr. Google to find answers, but ended up just as clueless. There are so many conditions that result in pain in so many different parts of the vajayjay! Even real-life doctors in the flesh do not give you details as to what the pain feels like and where. For the sake of many new endo sufferers out there looking for clues, I want to share my story so you don't feel so confused and alone out there.

For me, the pain didn't appear overnight but it was something that intensified over the years. I would get it once in a while, and then every other month, and then it was every month, and then it was every time I had sex. The simple act of arousal can send waves of pain surging through the uterus-maybe the ute is engorged with blood and expanding causing the adhesions to stretch and pull and hence the pain- I really don't know. But it sure sucks! Deep penetration that involves (to eloquently put it) banging of the cervix can sometimes send sharp pain up the uterus.  The worst thing about endo is that it is an attention-seeking whore that wants to take the limelight from the big O, as in orgasm, and it wants to climax together with the Big O! OOOOOOOOOO My Gawd! The contractions from an orgasm causes intense pain like killer period cramps! It happens simultaneously. It's like the pooping thing all over again-you wanna go there but you don't. When it happens it is the most intense pleasure and pain all at the same time! It is amazingly wonderful but you're in agony cos your ute is cramping and it feels like it's a burning hell in there! And the pain can last for 15 minutes to an hour long after the pleasure is gone. I've even felt lingering pain that lasted for a whole day. Yes, it fucking sucks!(pardon the pun again)  It's not something that allows for close intimate bonding after the deed! I feel terribly mean and guilty for letting DH see me squirming in pain when I know that all he wanted was to give me joy. So--They say that sex can be mind-blowing (ute-blowing too). With endo, I really feel like I've gone to heaven, and then died!

Thankfully for me, this pain diminishes each time I have sex within the same cycle (yes, I guess you can say sex is good for me!) The only logical explanation I have for what's happening to me is that during the orgasmic contractions, the adhesions stretch like the muscles and ligaments in your body. Once they're looser, they cause less pain--That's until they grow taut and tight again after a break, like when AF visits. First time sex in a new cycle after AF always scares me to death too. Hmm, yes, I guess I can at least pretend to be a virgin all over again!

I hope by sharing some of my experiences here, people can understand a bit more about why endo girls always complain about pain, and what a big deal it is. We're not just whiny bitches who have nothing else better to do. It is a terribly debilitating disease. Meds don't always help. Sometimes they cause additional pain by irritating and inflaming the stomach lining. Instead of eliminating pain, they just add to your endless list of pain. I am one of those who chooses to deal with one less pain. So I looked for alternative treatments else where.

I have gone against the grain of western medicine-I have said no surgeries, excisions, and Lupron and all sorts of hormonal drugs that has crazy side-effects. People may think I am loopy, but I am actually getting better. I think I will always have pain as long as the adhesions are still there, but thankfully, TCM has helped me manage the pain, making my life more pain-free now. I really feel for all the women suffering from chronic endo pain. I just wish more endo girls had the help that I got--that's a 100 million endo-inflicted women worldwide! That's a whole lot of pain gone! Now wouldn't that just be great!

August Sex Fest Officially On!

WOOHOO! I'm ecstatic! I am finally ovulating! It has been at least 80 days since the last time I ovulated! The darker blue line that alluded me for the past couple of months finally showed up on my OPK (Ovulation Predictor Kit)! Something's finally working! Which means I should be ovulating within the next 24 hours or so.

To increase the odds of sperm meeting the egg according to "Deanna's Sperm Meets Egg Plan", I've read that baby dancing should occur for 3 consecutive nights starting from the day the OPK turns positive, followed by one day of rest, and then one last try on the 5th night. So that could only mean one thing - the August Sex Festival with DH is officially ON!