Good Golly Gosh Great Hormones!

I got my CD4 blood work back and the results were fantastic!

My FSH level was really good at 5.7.

My estradiol and progesterone levels were on the low end but still within the normal range.

And my testosterone levels have come down! It was previously at 0.86 prior to Dr.NeverGiveUp's treatment, but it is at 0.5 now (normal range is 0.14-0.76). 

This is truly amazing because there is no treatment in western medicine that can lower women's testosterone! 

I finally have conclusive proof that TCM works for balancing hormones in women! And all I took were chinese herbal pills! Which had no side-effects! And it worked within 3 months for me! This is fabulous news for women who are suffering from infertility due to whacky hormones (PCOS comes to mind too).

Unfortunately not all TCM doctors are at the same calibre as Dr.NeverGiveUp for treating infertility, as I have learned from my own experience. My one and a half years with "TCM doc" with twice-weekly electrified prickings (electro-acupuncture), daily torture of drinking herbal sludge and the occasional fire-play over my meridien points (moxibustion) have done little to help me. I knew I needed a better doctor and it was hard looking for a good one. But I think I finally found my dream TCM doctor! I believe I'm finally on the road to fertile wellness!

Anyway, on that same visit, I decided to ask him why I was feeling so hot (I left out the "and horny" part). He checked my pulse and looked at my tongue and said that I was not heaty. I was feeling that way because of my hormones - 

"You're young again!" 

I couldn't help but laugh at that. I told him that I've been getting zits again. And he says that my hormones are working again. Well he got that right! My sex drive is like through the roof. I told him it's like I'm going through puberty again! He thought that was really funny.

My comatosed libido has finally been CPR-ed back to life and it feels amazing! Age and fervent-but-futile TTC attempts have sucked the fun out of sex. So it's wonderful to have that desire back and to have sex just for the pure fun of it. Unfortunately, I think I am borderline nymphomaniac now! Does having sex 6 times in the last 7 days sound excessive??? Especially when I am not even ovulating yet?

Well, if I haven't been blogging much, you can guess why! ;-) 

ROTFL

It's CD2 and I am in NO PAIN! 

What? Did these words just come out of a "Premium" Endo Sufferer? 

Yup! They did. Totally UNBELIEVABLE, but I'm doing a little jig and am having a great CD2! 

My celebration is probably a little bit premature though, seeing as I'm hardly bleeding! Does this even count as a period since my ute didn't even behave like a normal one this past month? After all, my eggs did do a Houdini on me! Oh my gawd! Am I in menopause?

But despite the fact that everything that can go wrong in a cycle did go wrong with me, I've been unusually happy (ok-this can't be menopause). This past few weeks, it feels like an invisible rock's been lifted off my shoulders, and I would take delight in the silliest little things:

Just the other night, I was looking at a few Tintin comic books that hubs just bought (he collects them) and decided that the dog Snowy was my favorite character. Who wouldn't find a talking, opinionated, smart-ass dog whom nobody can hear, adorable? Then I started telling hubs about a dog I had, as a child, that was named Snowy too. The conversation went like this,

"Did you know that I had a white dog named Snowy? ...And a brown dog named Browny? ...And a black dog named Blackie? ...And a cat named Kitty?....." 

...Followed by uncontrollable fits of deep, belly-shaking, lung-ripping, oh-my-god-I-can't-breathe laughter! It had just dawned on me that my mother had the most uncreative names for our pets. And I just found that absolutely hilarious! I laughed so hard! I mean, okay, it's funny, but on a normal day, I probably wouldn't find it that funny! 

(Just for the record, I also had a dog named Brandy and a dog named Whiskey! All mom's doing! Hubs family does a lot better in the naming department. When we were married, I inherited their black dog which hubs originally wanted to name Carbon! OMG! ROTFL!!! But he thought, wait, what a dumb-ass name for a dog, so they chose Diamond~another form of carbon. Now, that is cool! But then again, they did name their sausage dog (dachshund) Flappy-because its ears would flap when she came running! And just for the record, again, I too had a sausage dog named Jessie, and a second sausage dog named Jessie 2 and a third sausage dog named Jessie the Third! My mom's a creative genius with names!!! ) 

And just last week, hubs and I went to watch Predators because Inception was all sold out, and during one of the goriest scenes, I laughed out so loud because it seemed fascinatingly, ridiculously funny. It was odd because I suddenly realized nobody else was laughing!

Anyway, the point is, I've been laughing a lot! Could this be a hormonal thing, disastrous as mine is? 

Dr Yeeeouch!

Let me tell you about Dr Yeeeouch!

After a very strange first consultation with him, we decided that we couldn't brush him off based on first impressions. After all, he seemed to be quite deft with needles and acupuncture points, having managed to clear my husband's sinuses with just a couple of pricks. He had given us some herbal medicine to consume over the course of the next few weeks or so, but there wasn't a clear plan of treatment. I was just waiting for an excuse to go back to him, sooner.

That came on the 25th of January, just 3 days after we first met him. Two days prior to my second appointment, I had been having the worst lower back pain. It wasn't a bone thing. And it wasn't my usual radioactive ass-throb, endo-related pain. It was just a very, very bad ache deep inside my body below the waist. I suspected a deficient condition, likely related to the kidneys (think TCM!) My hot water bottle came to the rescue.

Have I told you about my hot water bottle? A hot water bottle is a "Cold Uterus Woman's" best friend, providing warmth and encouraging blood circulation in the womb. Unfortunately my niece had been playing with it and popped a hole in it. So as a temporary measure, I had been using my old polycarbonate drinking bottle which I had retired because, well, to cut the scientific explanation short,  Bisphenol A (BPA) in polycarbonate plastics leaches into your water, and messes with your hormones and fertility. The bottle is sturdy and it can take hot water really well. I could fill it up and roll it around my tummy. This time I needed it for my back. Even when I filled it with ridiculously hot water and the bottle was incredibly hard and uncomfortable to lie on, it gave me the most wonderful relief! 

I thought it would go away after a day, but the pain continued onto the second day. So I thought, "Right, something is so wrong here. I am going to see the acupuncturist tomorrow". The next day, the pain was gone! Oh crap! I was really looking forward to seeing what acupuncture could do for it. I called up my new acupuncturist, complained to him about the pain in as many chinese words as I knew and said I was coming to see him! 

His other clinic wasn't optimally located either as it was again, across town from us in a different direction. But thankfully he was opened till 10pm, so we could avoid rush-hour traffic and mosey on down to his clinic leisurely after dinner. When we arrived, we were greeted by a young woman in a white doctor's coat and ushered straight to the acupuncture beds. We were reminded to take off our shoes at the door-that's how it is at this clinic-shoes off in all the carpeted rooms. Soon our new acupuncturist came to meet us, barefoot. Oh! So that explains his barefootedness when we first saw him. But, he was STILL in short sleeves and shorts! Yes, his top was a buttoned-down, smart-looking collared shirt, and his black shorts did look like the most formal style a pair of shorts could ever look, but that's not the image of a doctor that I am used to. All his other apprentices and students were smartly dressed in white coats and long pants, but he, the master, didn't seem to care. I don't know - maybe it's a chinese thing, but he seems to be saying that he knows who he is, he's secure in his abilities and all he wanted to be was comfortable. And he did come across as quite humble. So lets find out what he can do... I told him about my lower back pain and he motioned me to lie down face down. The bed had a hole for the face like those massage beds.

And here's why I call him Dr Yeeeouch!

He inserted a needle into a point on my lower back. It was a quick prick that went pretty deep. No problem! I could handle that! I'm a pro! I've been pricked a guzzillon times! No sweat at all! Then while the needle was still inside, he wiggled it and did a jack-hammer maneuver into that point with the needle over and over again.

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHOOUUUUCCCCHHHHHHHH!

That really fucking hurt! Then he did the other side of the spine. Same fucking technique, same fucking pain! Is this for real? Then he pulled my panty down lower and while my bare ass was exposed in all its glory to my husband, who was probably snickering away, and another student of his who was called over to learn, he went for it again, this time at another point lower!

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHOOUUUUCCCCHHHHHHHH!

I screamed and squirmed at every point that he jack-hammered with the needle. Then he covered my butt with a towel and proceeded to massage my lower back and the butt with his elbow.

Then he asked me to turn over. Oh God! He was going for my ute! I knew the "points". He was going for the point near the right ovary. He motioned me to mimic him -- He puckered his lips and blew air out. He wanted me to exhale and puff like a woman giving birth. OH GOD! That could only mean one thing - it was really gonna fucking hurt! OMG! OMG! OMG!

While I puffed, he went for it - I felt the needle go deep and hit something hard. If you have a roll of fat on your tummy and tighten your abs, you would feel the hard mass of muscle beneath it. It was like that. And as soon as the needle hit that hard mass, he pumped that needle again and again! I nearly died! And that was only point No.1. Three more points on the ute to go! I don't know how I made it through alive but I did! He proceeded to massage my tummy which hurt like hell too. He let me rest. Then it was my hubby's turn, who was in a bed next to me.

Dr Yeeeouch! asked him some questions and then started acupuncture on him. When it came to a point in the abdomen, he asked DH to puff like I did. So hubs started to blow air out like he was gently trying to seduce me. Right! That's not gonna work. I told him to blow hard cos it was gonna hurt like hell. And then it happened! I've never seen my husband in such pain before but he was much better at controlling his emotions than me! I couldn't help but snicker away! It's nice to see men suffer for fertility for a change!

After a while, Dr Yeeeouch! came back to me and asked me to turn onto my belly again. Oh god! It's not over yet? This time he went for a point behind the knees. A rather delicate area don't you think? And it was hell all over again! He asked me if there was any electricity. Huh? Did I understand him correctly? My chinese is not that good. He asked me again. So I said no. Then it was the other leg's turn. So I'm squirming and screaming all over again. Is there any electricity? Zzzzing! This time, YES! Something shot down my legs. It felt like when you hit your funny bone and you feel that awful buzz. He went back to the other leg and tried it again but there was no "electricity" still. Nevermind, he said. I guess there must be some kind of blockage but it was enough torture for me for the day. And that was it! Hell was finally over!


When I got up I couldn't walk or straighten my legs properly. I asked him why my legs were so... err... so... I couldn't find the word in chinese. So he filled in the word for me - "tight". Yes! That's it! He said it like he was expecting it. He said it was normal. I pretty much walked like an old arthritic woman back to the car and through the rest of the night.

Do you think Dr Yeeeouch! is an appropriate name for him?

I did ask him if that was his usual style of acupuncture. And he said yes.

Oh dear god, help me!

I'm not sure if I was lucid enough through the torture to know if he did me any good that night, but hubby said that he clearly felt the warmth and the qi flowing through him during his session. Plus, there was a certain buzz in his "man parts" too. Well, my eggs which have been missing a couple of months did finally turn up 3 days later. So who knows?!!

Next - my new chinese herbal pharmacist. Dr Yeeeouch! and me - Two's a company. Is three a crowd?

Back From Paradise!

What a wonderful gift my soul received! Our vacation at the beach was just what my soul and body needed! It had been so long since I had been excited and passionate about something other than TTC! I had such a great time reconnecting with DH and enjoying nature's gifts - I was even eager to wake up early so that I could go out and have as many hours as I could in the sun! For a nocturnal creature like myself that hardly sees daylight and prefers the quiet hours of the night, that says A LOT!

I can't tell you how great it was not having to think and plan about making babies. No precision timing, no thinking about BBTs the minute you wake up, no obsessing about getting the damn positive lines on the pee sticks, no boiling herbal medicines, no charting anything on Fertility Friend, no foods to avoid. Absolutely no pressures or thoughts about TTC at all! I could have even thrown away my watch and just be in the moment with hubby, enjoying what we had with no thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow. 


I had such a wonderful time that I have already started planning my next beach vacation! I know - I just got back! We are planning to go away in early January 2010 right after New Years. That leaves us just shy of 2 weeks to decide and plan where to go. I've practically checked out every island/beach destination around the world that has good weather for this period. Googling and researching all this with great enthusiasm has certainly taken my mind off TTC!


It was a real drag going back to see my TCM doc again on Monday though. For the first time in the past year, I really didn't want to be there. After reading my pulse, he had both good and bad news for me: 


The Good News - I am not heaty nor cold anymore. My body has finally balanced itself out! I swear it must have been all that sun-My body is normally ice cold and despite eating ice-cream, and having icy cold water and soda throughout my vacation, I had actually warmed up! Damn! A beach vacation is good for me! 


The Bad News - My liver hormones are stressed.


What?


Stressed? But I feel great and happy and light! I had destressed completely during my fun in the sun! ??!! I really have no idea why this is happening! I guess my body is still figuring what to do about my MIA egg! Ever since eggy decided not to show up, my whole cycle has been really weird. (TMI Warning): I'm now somewhere on CD37 or thereabouts and I have been spotting dark blood with some small tiny clots the past 7 days. I have no idea if this is AF or not! Understandably, my BBT never saw the biphasic pattern that follows ovulation, and so there isn't a drop back down to note that AF is here. Obviously the lining is trying to shed and I want it to shed so that I can start off with some fresh lining the next cycle. There is however blood stasis in my body and I asked my TCM doc if could give me something to help my blood flow. Initially he didn't want to mess with my hormones, but in the end he decided he would change my herbal medicine to help it along. I've had one dose so far, and, nothing... No change. My uterus is just one stubborn B*tch! But at least I am in no pain whatsoever! 


I can't believe Christmas is just 10 days away! I haven't put up a single Christmas ornament up, and I haven't even begun to plan my Christmas dinner menu which I am hosting for both my family and my in-laws! My house is a mess and I haven't finished my christmas shopping either. But I am still feeling high from my vacation. I feel GOOD! I am still reminiscing about my holiday in the sun...

We stayed in these rooms. We were surrounded by beautiful landscaping and two pools. The first photo above at the start of the post was the view from one of the pools we were chilling in:

We were visited by monkeys from the adjacent forest reserve. Here they are peeking through my hotel room window. (Our rooms had the view of the sea) These monkeys are known to open unlocked doors and steal things from your room or balcony! We constantly had to keep our eyes on our belongings - even at the beach! 

The resort had a very wide private beach that sloped very gently into the sea:

Hornbills were also regular visitors at our resort. They come to feed on tropical fruit left out by the hotel staff during sunset. 

There's a resident cat who happens to love lounging on one particular deck chair next to the swimming pool. He was there almost everyday - as soon as guests vacated that chair! 

I expected rain, but the weather had been wonderfully sunny. And we had gorgeous sunsets that brought a beautiful end to our day of fun in the sun!

(Photo credits go to hubs)

I can't wait to get away again and lose myself in some island paradise with hubs...

I can't wait!

I can't wait!

I can't wait!

Don't Worry, Be Happy?

It looks like my "Whatever" attitude's not gonna fly! 

I saw my TCM doc today and told him all about my ovulation woes - yes, I let it slip that I had still been using OPKs and they had been coming up negative. Again, he told me to stop using them because he doesn't want me stressing out over them. He wants me to be happy and let my body do its own thing. He kept stressing that hormones and emotions are inter-related--whatever I am feeling will effect my hormones and whatever my hormones are doing will effect my mood. So it's important for me to be happy and be in good spirits. I was anticipating him to break out into the "just relax" speech, but thankfully he stopped short of saying the "R" word! 

When he checked my pulse today, he said I should not worry about ovulation because I am actually doing well--my body is hot (his words!)! My egg should be ready to pop out soon. He told me last week that I am fit enough to conceive. So maybe there's still hope. 

This means I have to throw out my lack-luster "Whatever" attitude and be positive and HAPPY! I guess I better take some lessons from my cat Zoey who hasn't got a care in the world...

PS - I ignored my "fertility" diet and had a moist, dense, delicious brownie for dessert. It made me happy.......... VERY Happy....

What I Had For Dinner :-(

I was a really, really bad girl today. I binged on the worst sorts of food that you could ever eat for endometriosis and fertility-- wheat, dairy, caffeine, hormones and cold drinks!

A new mall had opened up in our neighborhood and we succumbed to the lure of TGIF, which seemed to be so happening tonight. It was packed and every table seemed to be celebrating someone's birthday.

So here's my menu of poison for the night:

APPETIZER

Fried Mac & Cheese:

Wheat and dairy galore! Great for enhancing inflammation already caused by endometriosis!

MAIN

Chicken & Shrimp Pasta in Creamy Cajun Sauce:

More wheat and dairy galore! My Endo-induced inflammation is gonna have a party!

Non-organic chicken! A shot of yummy hormones to tip my already crazy hormones off the charts

DRINKS

3 cups of cold Pepsi:

Liquid Caffeine! Wonderful for killing fertility! It's thirst-quenching coolness is wonderful for creating blood stasis, period pain and endo. Just what I need!

Now my stomach feels like there's a tornado blowing in there! I am not looking forward to what my TCM doc has to say about me tomorrow... This is pure self-sabotage. And I am sure I will pay for it dearly! But I feel so happyyyyyyyy!

Do you ever give yourself a break and succumb to the dark side occasionally...especially when it comes to food?

(Pic compliments of Zoey when he was a kitten)

Fertility Rules Are Meant To Be Broken

There is often a point of contention between my TCM doc and me over my methods of pin-pointing ovulation or my most fertile window.

"Throw away your thermometer!"

"Forget charting your fertile days!" my TCM doctor would say to me!

Having been brought up with a western approach to fertility ie: faithfully charting BBTs daily, peeing on ovulation predictor kits, etc, his advice shocked me to say the least! It goes against everything I believed about helping yourself increase your chances of success with conception. His explanation was,

"It doesn't work like this."

"HUH?"

I sat there stunned as he told me that sex could actually trigger ovulation, regardless of which Cycle Day you're on. He went on to explain that your mind and emotions can be so strong that it can have a physiological effect on your body. Simply put- if you're hot and horny, your hormones and qi are raging so much that it could trigger the release of an egg! This sounded too Twilight Zone to me! But he went on to explain that it was the reason why even young kids who have sex during their periods, even before their ovulation date, could get pregnant so easily.

Well, strange and bizarre as it may seem, I think perhaps that there is some truth to it. My mother's own personal account of how she conceived me seems to back up his theory. Most grown-ups never want to hear from their parents how they made us (too much information-Eeew!) but I'm sorta glad my mom told me about her experience. She told me that she knew precisely the moment at which she conceived me, which was at her (and my dad's) point of orgasm. (Too much information right?) During her climax, she felt the egg being released and she knew at that point that she conceived. It wasn't a hunch - she just knew it. She believes that her climax had triggered her ovulation! Perhaps my TCM doc isn't too far-fetched with his theories!?!

He also does not subscribe to the idea that a woman is infertile after her ovulation is over. When I mentioned to him recently that I had already O'd and that I was now waiting to find out if I conceived, he told me to keep trying. But, BUT... My fertile window is already over! I told him that I had read that the egg would only last 24 hours, and sperm a few days only. His other "It doesn't work like this" speech came out.

He explained that women/men who are undergoing fertility treatment with him are much more fertile and do not fall into the norm. He also talked about how the information we have from results quantified my lab tests do not always reflect real life conditions, nor do they consider other variable factors. So a woman's window for conception can actually be much longer if she is extremely fertile. One case that comes to mind is a fellow IF sister who managed to conceive even though she ovulated 9 days after she last had sex with her husband! Many left her comments saying that she was basically nuts for believing that, and that she miscalculated her O date. But she retorted that she knew her body very well, and that was what happened exactly. She had problems with PCOS and IF but with the help of TCM, she got pregnant and had just delivered a healthy baby boy! When I related this amazing story to my TCM doc, he said it was indeed possible. Her husband's sperm was very strong and she was so fertile (with sperm-friendly CM I assume) that his sperm was able to survive for so many days!

So all my preconceived ideas about fertility have flown out the window--or are at least hanging half-way out the window now. TCM treats the human body in its totality. Our minds, our emotions and bodies are intertwined with each other and impact our health more ways than we realize. As for my TCM doc's advice to me... Well, he told me that some of my problems, like my underperforming libido are in my mind, because my body is physically sound. He told me to go back and rekindle the kind of love and excitement I felt when my DH and I were courting. And that should get my hormones raging a bit. Now that's one advice I am happy to take!

Now that you know what I know, doesn't it feel like you've been transplanted onto another planet- which is neither Mars nor Venus? It's pretty incredible stuff! What do you make of all this?